THE GABBLER

Author Archive

Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

Limited Strikes

LIMITED STRIKES: (ˈlɪmɪtɪd straɪks) When you bomb a country – but only a little! - and without actually “getting involved.” “Obama’s contemplating a retaliation against Syria for using chemical weapons, but have no fear, it’s only a limited strike. It won’t hurt a bit!”

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Duck Dynasty “Commander-in-Chief” to Star in New Pro-Fracking, Anti-Abortion Videos

Billionaire fracking tycoon and pro-life activist Farris Wilkes has recently signed a new spokesperson for his anti-abortion video series: A&E’s new reality television show Duck Dynasty star, Phil Robertson. Wilkes reportedly saw the star duck hunter’s recent anti-abortion rant on YouTube,...

Friday, August 16th, 2013

The Grammar Nazi Nearly Corrects Us to Death

When The Gabbler sat down with The Grammar Nazi this week, we expected to learn a lot about grammar, and we hoped to find out why people insist on calling him a name with such a negative, horrific connotation....

Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

The Naked Cana-Boy

THE NAKED CANA-BOY: (ðə ˈneɪkɪd kəˈneɪ bɔɪ) A gift, usually belated or ill-planned, that takes the form of the gift giver stripping naked, playing a (strategically placed) guitar, and singing a song about the receiver of the gift....

Monday, August 5th, 2013

Post-911 Policed State Googling: The Do’s and Don’ts

 After hearing about the Google search for “pressure cooker” and “backpack” that went terribly awry and resulted in an impromptu visit from the Feds, The Gabbler staff took the liberty of making a list of things that Americans should...

Friday, August 2nd, 2013

Confessions of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

The following  journal entry is an excerpt from Laurie Penny’s forthcoming memoir, Confessions of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Penny recently divulged her status as an MPDG in an article  for The New Statesmen. Since then, she’s...

Friday, July 26th, 2013

Hashtag: #An #Interview

 The hashtag is everywhere in social media, but who is he, really? How did he come to fame? The Gabbler met with Hash (as he now prefers to go by), to talk about his rise to fame,...

Friday, July 19th, 2013

That Gossipy Media and an All-Female Jury: an Analysis of the Zimmerman Verdict

Over a year ago, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was shot dead by George Zimmerman, an act that reverberated across the nation. In order to better measure the public reaction, The Gabbler asked two average American citizens to share their opinions  on what...

Wednesday, July 17th, 2013

B37-ed

B37-ed: (bi ˈθɜrti ˈsɛvənθ) To be forced to deal with an obnoxious, ignorant, and gossipy person against your will, usually in a professional, medical, or courtroom setting. Origin: Juror B37’s douchy antics in the Zimmerman trial. “How was your day, dear?” “Awful....

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