THE GABBLER

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Wednesday, September 2nd, 2015

Elizabeth Warren Cast as the “Real” Wonder Woman

After what many Americans thought to be a surefire casting of Hilary Clinton as America’s next Wonder Woman, Elizabeth Warren is now quickly replacing Clinton as a fan favorite, especially after her crazy-sexy speech to save Planned Parenthood a few weeks ago, and of course, the fact that she simply doesn’t want the job. With Wonder Woman set to come out

Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

Swipe Right: Leaked Tinder Profiles of the 2016 Presidential Candidates

Many have noted the Obama campaign’s use of social media to reach younger voters in both 2008 and 2012. And it looks like the next crop of presidential hopefuls are following in his footsteps by taking advantage...

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2015

SUMMER IS COMING

SUMMER IS COMING: A warning phrase whispered by women and gay men everywhere as spring flowers start to blossom and temperatures begin to rise, meaning only one thing: bikini season is drawing nigh. “This warm sun feels so...

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

UN Attempts To Put US in “Timeout”

Last week, the United Nations had “no choice” but to give the United States a strict talking to at the UN’s Human Rights Council, citing police brutality and continued racial discrimination, as well as the death penalty...

Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

Klington

KLINGTON: The evolution of Hillary Clinton from an idealistic liberal who wanted to change the world into a hardened lifelong politician, characterized by Klingon-like attributes of ruthlessness, brutality, and aggression. “Hillary Clinton’s running for President! Finally!” “I’m...

Tuesday, March 31st, 2015

New Law To Give Business Owners Option to Refuse Service to Politicians

The voters of Indiana have proposed a new law to Governor Mike Pence that seeks to give business owners the option to refuse service to politicians, on the grounds of free speech, freedom to deny service, and...

Saturday, March 21st, 2015

Where’s Putin Been: The Gabbler’s Top 10 Theories Of Varying Validity

He was wrestling lions in Kenya. Note from the Kremlin press office: No lions were injured during the course of the fights. It was all in good fun, and they shared a few beers a topless bar...

Tuesday, February 24th, 2015

Which Really is Mightier, the Pen or the Sword?

  Well folks, this is it. An epic showdown going back hundreds of years – basically since one of our ancestors invented a sharp rock and the other drew pictures on a cave wall. In one corner,...

Friday, January 23rd, 2015

Slate of the Union

SLATE OF THE UNION (sleɪt ov ðə ˈyun yən): A yearly speech given by the president of the United States in which he pretends that with the new year comes a completely clean slate and once again, anything is possible. “My fellow Americans,...

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