THE GABBLER

The Gabbler’s house dictionary.

WHEREUPON WEBSTER DEFINED

Monday, August 17th, 2015

Antisuncial

Anti-suncial: Avoiding social activities because your pale or sunburnt skin can’t bear being outdoors. Sorry I can’t make it to the beach tomorrow, guys, I’ve just been really anti-suncial after the terrible burn I got today.

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2015

SUMMER IS COMING

SUMMER IS COMING: A warning phrase whispered by women and gay men everywhere as spring flowers start to blossom and temperatures begin to rise, meaning only one thing: bikini season is drawing nigh. “This warm sun feels so...

Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

Klington

KLINGTON: The evolution of Hillary Clinton from an idealistic liberal who wanted to change the world into a hardened lifelong politician, characterized by Klingon-like attributes of ruthlessness, brutality, and aggression. “Hillary Clinton’s running for President! Finally!” “I’m...

Friday, January 23rd, 2015

Slate of the Union

SLATE OF THE UNION (sleɪt ov ðə ˈyun yən): A yearly speech given by the president of the United States in which he pretends that with the new year comes a completely clean slate and once again, anything is possible. “My fellow Americans,...

Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

Flubola

FLUBOLA: (flu boʊ lə)a deadly virus, commonly known as “the flu,” responsible for the deaths of 50,000 Americans annually. “Nancy just got diagnosed with flubola.” “WHAT?! Nancy has Ebola?!?!” “No, FLU-bola.” “Eh, give her some Gatorade, she’ll...

Friday, August 8th, 2014

Walredwhiteandblues

WALREDWHITEANDBLUES: (wɔlrɛdwaɪtændbluz) The new official name for Walgreens due to their patriotic pride that caused the company give up a pretty sweet tax inversion to stay headquartered in the good ole US of A. “We’re more than...

Friday, May 23rd, 2014

Beachriotism

Beachriotism: The practice of honoring American’s fallen veterans by day drinking and tanning at the beach. “Dude, be more respectful, grab an ice cold Coors, and get your ass on the sand. Show some beachriatism. People died so...

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

Soaptag

SOAPTAG: (soʊp tæg) A trending hashtag related to a political or social cause that a person uses to briefly indicate that they care deeply about said cause, before quickly getting back to their daily Buzzfeed quiz. “That’s so awful about...

Friday, April 18th, 2014

Cadvoracity

CADVORACITY: /kædvɔˈræsɪti/ The state of being physically, mentally, and emotionally unable to stop eating Cadbury Creme Eggs during the days leading up to and during Easter. “I stole Cadbury Cremes from my 5-year-old niece’s Easter basket – has my...

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