THE GABBLER

The Gabbler’s house dictionary.

WHEREUPON WEBSTER DEFINED

Friday, December 14th, 2012

Grinchmas, Pre New Year’s Apathy, Presign

Grinchmas (grɪntmæs): A party, normally held on the Friday before Christmas, celebrating the party thrower’s intense hatred of the Christmas holidays. “What are you wearing to her Grinchmas party this year?” “Oh, it’s great. I got the cutest red, sparkly dress and ripped out all the sequins. It looks like a total mess. How anti-Christmas is that?” Pre New Year’s

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

Fattorney, NYPostal, Shubby

  Fattorney (fəˈtɜr ni): a fake attorney, specifically a Facebook user who  attempts to renegotiate the terms of their user contract by pasting legal jargon about copyrights in their status updates. These updates have no legal basis, but...

Monday, November 26th, 2012

Red Saturday, Media Boner, Chamblissed

Red Saturday (rɛd sætər-deɪ): The Saturday after Black Friday, usually spent nursing shopping injuries. Judy spent Red Saturday soaking the sprained ankle she got at Target, from tripping over a three year old while racing for some $19.99...

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

Facebook Us, Petraenize, Sir Lance-a-lone

  Facebook Us (ˈfeɪsˌbʊk ʌs): A term that creepy couples who no longer have individual personalities use to direct new acquaintances to their newly-erected shared Facebook page. Note: This phrase is typically spoken in unison by said couple. It...

Wednesday, November 7th, 2012

Rove Rage, Canada Adjustment Syndrome, Post-Election Man Date

Rove Rage (roʊv reɪdʒ): anger over statistical analysis that predicts a future other than the one preferred. Only known cure is proclaiming that the situation is “awkward.”  When I told my niece that her chances of marrying...

Wednesday, September 19th, 2012

Forty-seven, Coca Coûteux, MRLCFA

Forty-seven (fɔrti’sɛvən pərˈsɛnt): An extremely lazy person; specifically one who buys potato chips and cigarettes with welfare checks. “But I don’t feel like doing the dishes, Mom.” “Don’t be such a forty-seven. I made dinner, you do...

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

Fashtag losing, Mario Card, Navy Squeal

  Fashtag Losing (fæʃˌtæg): used to identify a keyword describing another’s poor or inappropriate fashion choices. Did you see that like 65-year-old in a leopard print mini dress at the wedding last night? Fashtag losing. Related: Hashtag winning   Mario...

Friday, August 31st, 2012

Dick-fil-a, Invisible Obama, Lohan No-Hands

  Dick-fil-a (dɪk fɪl eɪ): an adjective describing a person who justifies being a total asshole by claiming he or she is engaging in a form of activism. “So I went up to the girl at the...

Wednesday, August 15th, 2012

Mass Execu-diss, Veepret, Limp Dick Indicator

  Mass Execu-diss (mǣs ɪg’zɛkyə-dɪs) : When at least two executives resign on the same day, often to make a statement about their company’s current policies behind the scenes. Did you catch that mass execu-diss of Komen’s...

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