THE GABBLER

By
Jul 25, 2014


The following memo was sent to The Gabbler’s CEO. We’re currently in talks with Bible Biz to learn more about finding religion can help us save more on our...

By
Jul 24, 2014


The following is a transcript taken from a portion of a recording from The Gabbler editor’s weekly subject meeting. As it has been a particularly bleak couple of weeks,...

By
Jul 22, 2014


  Recommended Reading: Guatemalans Aren’t Just Fleeing Gangs by Saul Elbein for the New Republic The Process Congress Wants to Use For Child Migrants is a Disaster by Dara Lind...

  • The modern phenomenon of actor and living legend Bill Murray appearing in the most bizarre places – a karaoke bar in New York, a college party in St. Andrews – has become so commonplace that whole websites have popped up in order to track the movements of the 63 year-old actor. Participants at such events […]

  • An official committee, made up of six three year-olds and a precocious two year-old, were recruited by World Cup officials to teach players how to fall without becoming hysterical. The clinic was held Sunday night, following the Argentina vs. Bosnia and Herzegovina match. “No boo boo, no wah wah,” Hayden, the two-year-old explained to one […]

  • Does having an iPhone make us better people, or does it just make us even lazier and less aware of our surroundings? POINT: “I Hate My iPhone, But I’ll Die Without It” I first realized that my iPhone turned me into a terrible person when I caught myself playing Angry Birds at my sister’s wedding […]

  • Google is involved in a lot more than directing you to websites.  [click for a larger image, scroll down for notes]   Google Search Search is the feature that made Google famous, and the company now handles approximately 3.5 billion searches per day using a complex algorithm to deliver accurate results. To do this, Google “crawls” […]

Drawn Aside by Dan Nott ››

Whereupon Webster Defined  ››

  • Beachriotism: The practice of honoring American’s fallen veterans by day drinking and tanning at the beach. “Dude, be more respectful, grab an ice cold Coors, and get your ass on the sand. Show some beachriatism. People died so you would have a right to a good base coat.”

    Beachriotism
  • SOAPTAG: (soʊp tæg) A trending hashtag related to a political or social cause that a person uses to briefly indicate that they care deeply about said cause, before quickly getting back to their daily Buzzfeed quiz. “That’s so awful about those kidnapped African girls.” “Yeah, I totally tweeted the soaptag #BringBackOurGirls yesterday.” “Good for you! I need to get

    Soaptag
  • CADVORACITY: /kædvɔˈræsɪti/ The state of being physically, mentally, and emotionally unable to stop eating Cadbury Creme Eggs during the days leading up to and during Easter. “I stole Cadbury Cremes from my 5-year-old niece’s Easter basket – has my Cadvoracity hit a new low?”

    Cadvoracity

D.C. Dissonance ››

  • Repelling Child Refugees

    July 22nd, 2014
    Repelling Child Refugees

      Recommended Reading: Guatemalans Aren’t Just Fleeing Gangs by Saul Elbein for the New Republic The Process Congress Wants to Use For Child Migrants is a Disaster by Dara Lind for Vox Arizona Politician Mistakes Bus Full of YMCA Kids...

  • Backfire in Iraq

    June 13th, 2014
    Backfire in Iraq

    As Iraq’s corrupt and unpopular government fails to maintain control of its violently fracturing territory, Obama is finding that the catastrophic consequences of our occupation will not be so conveniently expunged by the withdrawal of our soldiers or the...

  • Lying to Our Soldiers

    June 6th, 2014
    Lying to Our Soldiers

        U.S. soldiers were guaranteed care from their government when they returned from war. Veterans found just another broken promise in a relationship based on deception.

  • Former FBI director and famed snooper J. Edgar Hoover arose from his grave at the Congressional Cemetery in Washington, D.C. late yesterday morning, according to multiple eyewitnesses.  Scientists have confirmed that this is the first instance of a human...