THE GABBLER

The Gabbler’s house dictionary.

WHEREUPON WEBSTER DEFINED

Monday, September 30th, 2013

The Great American Conk-Out

THE GREAT AMERICAN CONK-OUT: (ðə greɪt əˈmɛrɪkən kɒŋk-aʊt) That time Congress decided to fuck Americans over by allowing the government to shut down in lieu of allowing a repeatedly defended, progressive healthcare reform to take effect. “I don’t know what’s worse, The Great American Conk-Out, or the knowledge that Breaking Bad is over.”

Friday, September 20th, 2013

No-Foodie

NO-FOODIE: (noʊ-fudi) A person who develops a taste only for the essential vitamins and nutrients it takes to survive, after hearing the H.O.R. is planning to slash $40 billion in food stamps for low-income Americans.

Friday, September 6th, 2013

Pumpkin Tics

Pumpkin Tics (pʌmpkɪn tɪkz): An over caffeinated tic caused by the over consumption of Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Are you okay man? It looks like you have a bad case of the Pumpkin Tics.

Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

Limited Strikes

LIMITED STRIKES: (ˈlɪmɪtɪd straɪks) When you bomb a country – but only a little! - and without actually “getting involved.” “Obama’s contemplating a retaliation against Syria for using chemical weapons, but have no fear, it’s only a limited strike. It won’t...

Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

The Naked Cana-Boy

THE NAKED CANA-BOY: (ðə ˈneɪkɪd kəˈneɪ bɔɪ) A gift, usually belated or ill-planned, that takes the form of the gift giver stripping naked, playing a (strategically placed) guitar, and singing a song about the receiver of the gift....

Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

Pope Frankie

Pope Frankie (poʊp fræŋki): A nickname for someone who is expected to be stodgy and conservative, but who is totally chill. The stock broker I went out with last night is such a Pope Frankie! He served...

Wednesday, July 17th, 2013

B37-ed

B37-ed: (bi ˈθɜrti ˈsɛvənθ) To be forced to deal with an obnoxious, ignorant, and gossipy person against your will, usually in a professional, medical, or courtroom setting. Origin: Juror B37’s douchy antics in the Zimmerman trial. “How was your day, dear?” “Awful....

Monday, July 1st, 2013

Rainbow Rush

Rainbow Rush (reɪnboʊ rʌʃ): The mass migration of wedding industry professionals to California, following the overturning of Prop 8. There are so many cute new bakeries in town. Thanks, Rainbow Rush!

Monday, June 24th, 2013

Twinkly

TWINKLY: (twɪŋkli) A feeling of sheer delight; pure, unadulterated happiness. Origin: The reaction of Americans in response to learning that their favorite pre-packaged sugary treats, Twinkies, will return on July 15, 2013. “You seem so happy!” “I...

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