THE GABBLER

Author Archive

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

CHIAA, 'Mericanismo, Politiffing

CHIAA (Chiə): A new Twitter Trend started by Katie Holmes following her recent split from Tom Cruise. CHIAA is an acroynm for “Can’t Have It All, Anyway,” and was inspired by writer Anne-Marie Slaughter’s popular article titled,“Why Women Still Can’t Have it All.” The trend has taken the nation by storm and appears to be

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

Interrogation with Reclusive Writer Thomas Pynchon Yields Very Little

 Recently, the gang at The Gabbler decided it wasn’t fair that one of their favorite American novelists, Thomas Pynchon, wouldn’t sit for an interview. I mean, who doesn’t want to be interviewed? Who doesn’t want to spill their secrets?...

Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Elephant in Supreme Courtroom Leaves Many Angry, Defensive

There was an elephant in the room directly following the announcement of the Supreme Court ruling in favor of the Affordable Care Act, but for reasons unknown to The Gabbler staff, no one on Capitol Hill wanted...

Thursday, June 28th, 2012

The Epic Poetry of Eminem

The following is an excerpt from the debut book of poetry “Inner Paradise, Lost and Found” from the rapper, songwriter, actor, and record producer Marshall Mathers (often referred to by his stage name, Eminem). In a recent...

Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

Canadian Airports Will Spy On You, Respectfully

This week, the Canadian Border Services Agency (CBSA) announced its plans to install high-definition listening equipmentin airports across the country.The planted cameras and microphones are designed to pick up and record traveler and even employee conversations. The...

Friday, June 22nd, 2012

We'll Always Have Paris (And Twitter)

The following interview is the first of its kind. After France’s First Lady, Valérie Trierweiler, was widely criticized for a recent tweet that many believed was a jab at President Hollande’s ex-wife, Ségolène Royal, Trierweiler ultimately apologized for...

Monday, June 18th, 2012

The Fly on the Wall Has Seen Some Shit (and Probably Eaten It, Too)

For many people, faint buzzing in your ears means that someone, somewhere, is talking about you. In reality, it means that someone is listening. In an all new exclusive interview, Gabbler gets the inside scoop on the...

Thursday, June 14th, 2012

Zombish, Red Out, Grandmafucker

Zombish: (ˈzɒmb,ɪʃ) 1. The language spoken by zombies. “What do you want for breakfast, hun!?” “Blehh-meh-arghhhhh! It’s 6 a.m., Mom!” “What are you speaking, exactly? Zombish?” 2. Resembling or exhibiting qualities of a zombie. Don’t wear that...

Thursday, June 7th, 2012

Even the Veep is Creeped Out: Biden Calls 911 Over Zombie Sighting

Early this week, The Gabbler intercepted a 9-1-1 call from Vice President Joe Biden, which has been transcribed below. In the 7:00 AM call, Biden appears panicked and scared about an altercation with a zombie – until...

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