July 2nd, 2012
Elephant in Supreme Courtroom Leaves Many Angry, Defensive

There was an elephant in the room directly following the announcement of the Supreme Court ruling in favor of the Affordable Care Act, but for reasons unknown to The Gabbler staff, no one on Capitol Hill wanted to acknowledge its presence.

The elephant was first spotted on the courtroom steps at about 9:30 A.M. on Thursday, June 28th.  It reportedly munched on flowers in nearby potted plants for several minutes, before moving inside.

When asked by The Gabbler to comment on said elephant in the room, President Barack Obama seemed a little flustered for a moment, but recovered quickly.

“If you’re referring to the fact that the bill has an individual mandate with fines for refusing to participate, I just want to say that I absolutely reject the notion that it’s a tax increase,” said Obama.

Gabbler staff explained that they had actually wanted Obama to comment on the massive elephant standing in the center of the courtroom, which, according to several witnesses, was now eating an American flag off of one of the flagpoles.

The president looked angry, but took a deep breath while two more gray hairs sprouted from his head. Then he mumbled something about “mixing metaphors” and walked away.

In search of another witness, The Gabbler came upon former Governor of Massachusetts and current Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, and asked if he’d noticed the elephant in the room.

“If one more person tells me that Obamacare is based on my MassHealth program, I’m going to scream,” said Romney. “It’s nothing like it! Nothing!”

Further questions about the elephant only seemed to infuriate Romney more, until he finally declined any further questions.

“Gosh, it’s really one of those days that I wish my faith allowed me to indulge in a cherry cola,” he said bitterly.

Determined to capture live footage of the elephant while it was still in the room, Gabbler staff then approached CNN correspondent Kate Bolduan, and asked her if she’d happened to see the elephant in the room.

In response to the question, Bolduan turned bright red and burst into tears.

“For your information, I received that news from my producers,” she cried out between hiccups. “Anyone could have made that mistake!”

Baffled by the emotion responses triggered by any mention of the elephant, The Gabbler saw Fox News correspondent Shannon Bream and asked if she had any personal knowledge of the elephant’s whereabouts.

“Oh, fuck off,” said Bream.

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