THE GABBLER

Author Archive

Friday, January 4th, 2013

Starving for Manners: An Interview with a Diet Plan

As the New Year begins, millions of Americans have resolved to lose weight, whether it’s the five pounds gained over the holidays or the fifty pounds gained in the years since college graduation. To aid them in this pursuit, many have looked to commercial diet plans, such as Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, or the Atkin’s Diet.

Monday, December 31st, 2012

A New Year, a New President

The following list was found on the desk of the Oval Office and appears to be President Obama’s personal New Year’s Resolutions. Several relate to his family and personal life, but many are related to his duties...

Monday, December 24th, 2012

My Name is Santa and I’m a Food Addict

  The following essay was anonymously submitted to the Gabbler with the request that it be published before Christmas Eve. It seems to be the confessions of Santa Clause himself, who is apparently a long suffering food addict...

Monday, December 17th, 2012

A Letter to America in Response to the Sandy Hook Shootings

Dear America, We get it, you know. We know that things are rough, what with the global economy and the fiscal cliff and partisanship and all those big, important words and numbers that never quite add up....

Friday, December 14th, 2012

Grinchmas, Pre New Year’s Apathy, Presign

Grinchmas (grɪntmæs): A party, normally held on the Friday before Christmas, celebrating the party thrower’s intense hatred of the Christmas holidays. “What are you wearing to her Grinchmas party this year?” “Oh, it’s great. I got the cutest red, sparkly...

Monday, December 10th, 2012

An Extreme Couponer’s Guide to Holiday Shopping

The following excerpt comes from the self-published ebook, The Extreme Couponer’s Guide to Life by Mary Robucks. Mrs. Robucks, who regularly saves up to 85 percent on her grocery bill, sent the excerpt to The Gabbler, to...

Monday, December 3rd, 2012

Hey Kids! Let's Count Down to Doomsday!

The following ad was due to run in the November 2012 issue of the popular children’s magazines Highlights and Tiger Beat but was pulled from both at the last minute due to concern over its extremism. It...

Monday, November 26th, 2012

Red Saturday, Media Boner, Chamblissed

Red Saturday (rɛd sætər-deɪ): The Saturday after Black Friday, usually spent nursing shopping injuries. Judy spent Red Saturday soaking the sprained ankle she got at Target, from tripping over a three year old while racing for some $19.99...

Monday, November 19th, 2012

Republican Turkey Grapples with Being Pardoned by President Obama

The following autobiographical essay was sent to The Gabbler by Liberty, the turkey pardoned last year by President Obama. After receiving the pardon, Liberty was sent to live out the rest of his natural life on Mount...

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