THE GABBLER

Author Archive

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

Cheap Candy or Terrible Teens? What to Really Blame in the Case of Trayvon Martin

The tragic death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin has resulted in a great deal of response from the American public, particularly with regards to who is really to blame. In a Gabbler special, two American citizens who are totally in touch with reality bravely tackle these sensitive issues head on, without fear of sounding completely insane

Friday, April 20th, 2012

Everything I Know About Politics, I Learned in Retail

The following is an excerpt from New Jersey State Senator Lizzy Buckner’s new memoir entitled Politics from the Heart: How a Small Town Jersey Girl Became a Government Hot Shot. Senator Buckner, an independent, is best known for...

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Hilary Rosen, Ann Romney Compete in the First Annual Mom Triathlon

This weekend Hilary Rosen and Ann Romney, along with a dozen other women, competed in the first annual Mom Triathlon held in New York City and sponsored by Mom Blog Magazine, a major mom blogging industry publication....

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

FBI Launches Investigation into New Terrorist Activities

Today, in a press conference held at FBI headquarters, FBI director Robert Mueller announced that the FBI is launching a large-scale investigation into the April 19th series of bird strikes, which affected three separate planes, including one...

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Romney Announces VP Pick

This morning at a press conference held on the courthouse steps of Holland, Ohio, Romney announced that he has selected Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher as his vice-presidential running mate. The move came as a shock to...

Monday, April 16th, 2012

The Bieber Shuffle

The following is an excerpt from Tiger Son: the Story of a Boy Unjustly Labeled “Bully,” a memoir written by Molly Mackenzie, whose son, Thomas, was forced to transfer several schools after various series of bullying incidents resulted...

Monday, April 9th, 2012

The Terrorists Have Won, Meatball Syndrome, Veepeedubs

The Terrorists Have Won (thə tɛrərɪsts həv wʌn): A phrase used to express the idea that any reserved behavior on the part of Americans is a sign that Islamic fundamentalists are winning a cultural war against the United...

Friday, April 6th, 2012

Shamelessly, Oprah Interviews Herself

The following interview, a Gabbler early release, is the first of its kind. Oprah Winfrey, fed up following a series of interviews that she claimed were done by “unprofessional journalist frauds,” has decided to interview herself. “I...

Monday, April 2nd, 2012

Limbaugh Bashes ‘Dirty Whore’ in Hidden Show Transcript

The following transcript was leaked from Rush Limbaugh’s radio show. Although given an official title before being shelved, it never appeared on rushlimbaugh.com, where he usually archives full transcripts of his show for the public. The transcript...

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