THE GABBLER

Author Archive

Monday, July 23rd, 2012

To Whom It May Concern, Fuck You and Please Employ Me

The following cover letter was sent to a corporation that wishes to remain anonymous. The letter was from a young college graduate who had previously applied for the position of Office Manager/Executive Assistant to the CEO. As the applicant did not possess the necessary qualifications (namely, four to five years’ experience in banking and an

Friday, July 20th, 2012

Badass Women in History Address Whether or Not We Can Have It All

  As media pressure mounts on new Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer for being pregnant and a recent article in The Atlantic claims that women still aren’t able to properly balance work and family, the topic of women having it...

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

Ethenticity, Guilt-fil-A, Dark Knight

Ethenticity (ɛɵɛn’tɪsɪti): the quality of being authentically ethnic, as opposed to an Americanized version of a certain ethnic group’s customs, clothing, food, or general culture. I love that restaurant because it has some real ethenticity, it’s not...

Monday, July 16th, 2012

Chief Justice Roberts Reveals 'Olive Garden' Conflict Behind Supreme Court Healthcare Decision

In an unprecedented attempt to create more transparency in the United States Supreme Court, Chief Justice John Roberts has announced that he will publish a book of essays explaining some of his major rulings while serving on...

Monday, July 9th, 2012

Spanish Man Chased Out of Italy Following Euro Cup Final

Yesterday, José Fernandez Carrasco was found collapsed on the steps of Saint-Michel-Archange basilica in Menton, France, a coastal town located on the French-Italian border. Fernandez, a resident of Madrid, Spain, was initially incoherent but eventually told a...

Friday, July 6th, 2012

Tweens Headed in One Direction: Away from New Spice Girls Musical

Following the announcement that the Spice Girls would be premiering a new musical ‘Viva Forever‘ in the style of Mamma Mia in December 2012, The Gabbler sat down with Emily, Hannah, and Alexis, three thirteen-year-olds to get their...

Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

On Independence Day, Six Reasons for Loving Lady Liberty

The following letter was received by the White House today via special courier. It was addressed to “Lady Liberty” and was found inside a birthday card with a crisp ten dollar bill. There was no return address,...

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012

In Death, Writer Judy Freudberg Reveals 'Blood Red Elmo'

The following is an excerpt from the personal diary of Judy Freudberg. Freudberg was a well-known writer on Sesame Street and also co-wrote the screenplays for the animated films An American Tail and The Land Before Time....

Monday, June 25th, 2012

A Shot at Stardom with Tila Tequila

The following is a WikiHow page on “How to Be a Reality Star” which was recently removed by site administrators due to its inappropriate content. The article was initially written by Tila Tequila, of A Shot at...

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