Yesterday, José Fernandez Carrasco was found collapsed on the steps of Saint-Michel-Archange basilica in Menton, France, a coastal town located on the French-Italian border. Fernandez, a resident of Madrid, Spain, was initially incoherent but eventually told a harrowing tale of his flight from Rome, Italy following Spain’s record-breaking win over Italy in the Euro Cup Final last Sunday.
Fernandez, who spoke with The Gabbler today via Skype, began his journey in Rome, Italy, where he had been vacationing with his family. On the evening of July 1st, Fernandez left his wife and children in their hotel room and took a taxi to Finnegan’s Irish Pub, the only Irish-owned pub in Rome, to enjoy the Euro Cup Final match in what he termed “a more festive, but not too Italian, atmosphere.”
Fernandez maintains he was a bit wary of watching the final match, played out between Italy and Spain, in a bar that would potentially be filled with some Italians and Irishmen, as Spain had beaten Ireland 4-0 in the round robin stage of the tournament. So he “was especially careful with my, how do you say, self-decoration,” donning bright red track pants, a Spain jersey, and painting his face red and gold, the colors of the Spanish flag. “I had planned on wearing only my undergarments, painting my body red, and wearing the Spanish flag like a cape, but I decided to play it safe,” Fernandez said.
After arriving at Finnegan’s, Fernandez attempted to order a Mahou beer and some jamón ibérico, but was refused service. Shortly afterward, a few Italian fans approached Fernandez and began harassing him, saying that all Spaniards are “lazy, wine-drinking, ham-eating, siesta-taking sons of whores.” Fernandez replied that “in this case, the only difference between a Spaniard and an Italian is the fine quality of our Spanish wine, Spanish ham and Spanish whores, which will trump those of Italy any day!”
A fight between the men very quickly broke out.
“I don’t remember who started hitting me first, but very few punches were successful because we were all watching the game very carefully as we were fighting,” explained Fernandez, “so no one could see to punch very well.”
The fight continued until half time when Fernandez fled the bar “because now they could pay attention to my bright red and gold face without fear of missing the game.” Luckily, his assailants were briefly distracted by an American who began yelling loudly about “what ‘pussies’ the footballers were for faking injuries during the match” before going off on a tirade about how American football was the only sport for “real men.”
Fernandez took this opportunity to sprint to his hotel room. “I was mostly worried about not arriving at my hotel before the game began again,” Fernandez said, “but I was successful and saw the triumphant second half, watching Spain make history and win 4-0.”
Following the end of the match, Fernandez immediately left the safety of his hotel room to celebrate Spain’s win by climbing into the nearby Trevi Fountain. “I could not even dream of refusing to celebrate Spain’s win in the traditional manner. Plus I was hoping I would dye the water blood red with my face paint to forever remind the Italians of their hopeless loss,” Fernandez said.
Unfortunately, another mob of Italians formed at the fountain, chasing Fernandez west through Rome’s winding streets. “I never looked back until I saw the sea and then I kept it to my left, walking north to freedom,” he said. Over the next week Fernandez, now afraid of what he referred to as “those heartless, sore loser Italians,” kept to himself, walking north and living off of day-old bread and any other scraps thrown in the garbage.
After arriving in France, Fernandez was treated well, given both food and medical attention. However, he remained suspicious, saying, “Spain beat France 2-0 in the quarter final, so I bet they’re just waiting to strike.” Following the interview, Fernandez was reportedly seen fleeing the town in terror after a child in a France soccer jersey approached him to ask for the time.
Follow us on Twitter
Join our RSS feed
