February 18th, 2015
Following Recent Holocaust Tapestry, Urban Outfitters Set to Hire Head of Human Decency

After yet another Urban Outfitters controversy, in which they used Holocaust concentration camp uniforms as design inspiration, the company has announced plans to create a Human Decency department, and are currently looking for someone to head up this division.

“It’s been really hard, you know,” said Sunflower Kensington, Urban Outfitters media rep during a recent press conference. “The design team will find this hilarious mass murder and find a way to commemorate it through totally awesome clothes and home goods and then everyone just gets SOOOOO UPSET.”

The recent tapestry controversy, in which the company sold grey and white tapestry that was almost an exact replica of a concentration camp uniform, is one of many troublesome items designed by the company. Just five months ago, their $129 Kent State sweatshirt, complete with fake blood splatter, recalled the 1970s massacre at the university.

“We’re just really hoping for someone you can just, like, tell us when stuff is not cool, you know? Because like how am I supposed to just KNOW that you don’t want to hang a reminder of the systemized slaughter of millions of people on your wall? Like everyone has different tastes, am I right?” said Kensington.

Describing their ideal candidate, Kensington said, “Basically, we just need someone to be ‘Office Mom.’ That’s why we’re almost definitely hiring a woman, she’ll be forced to wear mom jeans and our spring of 2015 ‘Total Soccer Mom!’ t-shirt, and her office will be in the kitchen so that she can have fresh-baked office chocolate chip cookies ready every day at 4:00.”

Interested parties can apply for the position on the Urban Outfitters website.

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