Following the announcement that the Spice Girls would be premiering a new musical ‘Viva Forever‘ in the style of Mamma Mia in December 2012, The Gabbler sat down with Emily, Hannah, and Alexis, three thirteen-year-olds to get their take on the news. Once the Spice Girls’ target demographic, the so-called “tween segment” has turned against the famous girl group, claiming that the ladies are “totally copying One Direction” and planning a boycott of the musical.
The Gabbler: Welcome Emily, Hannah and Alexis! It’s really exciting to sit down and talk to you about The Spice Girls’ newest venture: the musical Viva Forever!
Hannah: What’s a Spice Girl?
Emily: I think that’s what Selena Gomez’s fan club calls themselves. Because she’s like all spicy and Hispanic, right?
The Gabbler: No, the SPICE GIRLS. Like the greatest single female act of the late 1990s, revolutionized music, responsible for girl power and the popularity of platform heels, all that.
Alexis: Ummm, we were born in 1999. That’s, like, our parents’ music, I think.
The Gabbler: Yeah, but you understand how important they were to pop music, right? How they ushered in an era of pure pop following the grunge and rock craze of the early 90s?
Emily: What’s grunge?
Alexis: Oh, I think that’s when you, like, don’t ever wash your clothes and stuff.
Emily: Ewww, grotty.
The Gabbler: No, like Nirvana, Kurt Cobain. You know, grunge music, even just rock music. Troubled, angry, beautiful boys with guitars. Like that.
Hannah: So like the Jonas Brothers.
Emily: Ohmygod, I am SOOOO over the Jonas Brothers. It’s all about BTR, they are SOOO cute.
The Gabbler: No, NOT like the Jonas Brothers. The Jonas brothers are NOT troubled, they are NOT angry, they’re totally well-adjusted child pop sensations. Kurt Cobain loaded his veins full of heroin and shot himself in the face. The Jonas Brothers just waited until marriage to have sex.
Emily: Ewww, gross. I bet his brains got, like, all over the wall. (Giggles)
Alexis: Ewww, you’re so gross.
Hannah: So, wait, grunge is like the Jonas Brothers but with dirty clothes, drugs, and suicide? I don’t think my mom would let me listen to that…
The Gabbler: No, it’s an entirely different genre of…you know what? We’re here today to talk about the new Spice Girls musical. So are you ladies hoping that it’s successful enough in the UK to make it over to the American stage?
Hannah: Wait, these Spice Girls people are BRITISH? This musical is happening in ENGLAND?
Emily: Ohmygod, are they like One Direction but girls?
Alexis: Ohmygod, One Direction are soooo cute. I would tots marry Zayn.
Hannah: Ewww, you would. Niall is waaaayyyy cuter than Zayn.
The Gabbler: Yes, ok, fine, the Spice Girls are like One Direction but girls. So what are your thoughts on this new musical venture of theirs?
Emily: It sounds like they’re totally copying One Direction. Like all of a sudden there’s all these British boy bands and then these Spice people are like, let’s do it, too! Not cool.
The Gabbler: The Spice Girls CAME FIRST. They were an international sensation, selling out concerts around the world when that Zayn kid was still having his snotty nose wiped by his preschool teacher. They’re the reason that One Direction can even exist.
Alexis: Sheesh, you don’t have to get so MAD. She’s just saying that like, all of a sudden One Direction is like only the cutest, smartest, sweetest, most British act in America and then these girls are all like, I know, we can be that, too, let’s have a musical. It is kind of like copying.
The Gabbler: The musical will be premiering in London. They’re not looking to be the “cutest, smartest, sweetest, most British act in America.”
Hannah: Okay, whatever. Are we almost done? My mom’s going to take us to the mall so that we can get new outfits for Jacob T’s birthday party tomorrow.
Emily: Ohmygod Jacob T is so hot. But not as hot as Jacob F.
Hannah: Totally.
The Gabbler: Okay, okay, we’re almost done. So I’m guessing you three have no interest in seeing Viva Forever.
Alexis: What’s Viva Forever? Is that, like, a new Selena Gomez song?
Emily: Yeah, I think I saw the video for it on Disney Channel last night. It was ok.
The Gabbler: Viva Forever is the name of the Spice Girls musical, taken from the title of their number one hit. We’ve been over this.
Hannah: Oh no, we don’t want to see that.
Emily: Yeah, we’re boycotting that now that we know they’re just totally copying One Direction.
The Gabbler: Ok, you know what, just go. But before you do, just because you’re so charming and we’ve gotten along so well, and you really deserve it, here’s a little life tidbit: Jacob F will like you way more if you pad your bra. Just use some toilet paper. There’s no way that could end badly.
Emily: Ohmygod, really? I’m tots doing that.
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