THE GABBLER

Our politic coverage.

D.C. Dissonance

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Friday, November 22nd, 2013

Fine for J.P. Morgan Chase

    For destroying the economy, J.P. Morgan Chase (and its troubled but lucrative acquisitions Washington Mutual and Bear Stearns) settled with the Justice Department for 13 billion dollars, with no individual taking blame or being penalized. We all know corporations are people, but apparently they’re also able to take the fall for the criminal

Monday, November 4th, 2013

So You’re a Disillusioned Obama Supporter

The following pamphlet, written by the award-winning team that brought you “Chlamydia Is NOT a Flower,” was commissioned by a group of progressive think tanks. In an attempt to do some damage control for President Obama’s spiraling...

Friday, October 25th, 2013

What Went Wrong With Healthcare.gov?

The Gabbler searches for answers on why the launch of Healthcare.gov was characterized by dysfunction and ineptitude. And as it turns out, well, it all really makes sense.

Friday, October 18th, 2013

The Party Isn’t Over

  This government shutdown may be over, but the Tea Party that caused it isn’t.    

Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013

Accepting Compromise, Congress Repeals Obamacare, Leaves Affordable Care Act in Place

After the first day of the government shutdown, Democrats and Republicans in the House of Representatives agreed on a compromise to refund the federal government by repealing Obamacare, but allowing the Affordable Care Act to be implemented...

Friday, September 27th, 2013

Over 8-Course Meal, Cantor Makes a Case to Cut Food Stamps

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor reportedly took four unidentified senators to dinner last night at a Washington D.C. area haute cuisine French hotspot, Marcel’s, in order to convince the senators of the need to cut food stamps....

Thursday, September 12th, 2013

The U.S., Russia, and Syria Agree to Let Diplomacy Fail for a Little While Longer

Faced with faltering domestic and international support for military action in Syria, but fearing a loss of credibility, the U.S. has agreed to let diplomacy fail for a little longer. A new Russian-sponsored plan calls for the...

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Duck Dynasty “Commander-in-Chief” to Star in New Pro-Fracking, Anti-Abortion Videos

Billionaire fracking tycoon and pro-life activist Farris Wilkes has recently signed a new spokesperson for his anti-abortion video series: A&E’s new reality television show Duck Dynasty star, Phil Robertson. Wilkes reportedly saw the star duck hunter’s recent anti-abortion rant on YouTube,...

Friday, August 9th, 2013

Millions of Americans Diagnosed with Post Snowden Anxiety Disorder

An estimated eight million Americans have been diagnosed with Post Snowden Anxiety Disorder since Edward Snowden first leaked to the press the existence of the National Security Agency’s surveillance programs, which log Americans’ phone and internet activity,...

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