THE GABBLER

Documents acquired, hacked, and forged.

THE BROKEN SEAL

Friday, October 4th, 2013

A Tourist’s Guide to D.C. During the Shutdown

The following pamphlet, created by the D.C. Chamber of Commerce, will be given to all people traveling to D.C. through Union Station as well as through Dulles, National, and Baltimore-Washington Airports. It describes the current government shutdown and also gives viable tourist options now that all national museums and monuments are shut down. Dear D.C.

Friday, September 13th, 2013

Diary Entry from George W. Bush Reveals that Obama’s Tuesday Night Speech Made Him Feel “Icky”

A new diary entry from former president George W. Bush revealed that President Obama’s speech on Tuesday rubbed him the wrong way, especially with regards to his frequent explicit imagery of dying Syrians to convey the severity...

Tuesday, September 10th, 2013

99 Problems But a Binkie Ain’t One: New Tweets Reveal Day-to-Day Lives of Famous Babies

When New York Magazine reported that celebrities and “media elite” are creating Twitter usernames for their babies, we couldn’t believe it. But indeed, many celebrities and other high-profile Twitter users are not only reserving spots for their...

Monday, September 2nd, 2013

The Gabbler Presents: Our Rejected Buzzfeed Submissions

Buzzfeed.com is the king of timely content that is presented almost exclusively in the form of lists that feature lots of oh-so-silly memes and .gifs, but when we at The Gabbler attempted to submit a few pretty...

Monday, July 29th, 2013

We the People’s Dystopian Future

The following excerpt is from Johnny Savage’s first novel, We the People. Savage is the current Poet Laureate of the National Rifle Association and said he was inspired to write the novel after hearing about the possibility...

Monday, July 22nd, 2013

Preventing Your Untimely Death: a Primer

On June 18th, Michael Hastings, an investigative journalist best known for an explosive expose that lead to the resignation of General Stanley McCrystal in 2010, died in a single-vehicle crash in Los Angeles’ Hancock Park. His 2013...

Monday, July 8th, 2013

Pontificating Pete on Capital Punishment

After discovering that the state of Texas keeps an online, public record of the last statements of all executed death row inmates, The Gabbler read through a few of the 500 statements to see if there was...

Monday, June 10th, 2013

BorrowAPhone and Never Be Lost Again!

The following ad was emailed to The Gabbler offices as part of a campaign to reach urban millenials. It offers a service called BorrowAPhone that provides rentable smart phones to people who find themselves without their phones...

Monday, May 20th, 2013

Shit Not to Say on a First Date

“Have you heard about that new drug-resistant strain of gonorrhea?” “Oh, you’re from Texas? I have this thing for cowboys. But only because of some pretty intense erotica I’ve been reading lately.” “Hast thou not heard, my...

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