THE GABBLER

All the news unfit to print.

HARD NEWS FOR HARDER TIMES

Tuesday, August 21st, 2012

Media Reacts to Notorious Joe Biden Fart Gaffe

Political pundits have spent the weekend debating the potential repercussions of the Biden fart gaffe that occurred this past Friday night while Vice President Joe Biden was enjoying a romantic dinner with his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, at the elegant Palena Dining Room. According to onlookers, many of whom are eligible voters, the Bidens were

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

Romney Medicaid Reform Proposes Replacing Existing Program with P90X Vouchers

During a fundraiser held yesterday in Birmingham, AL, GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney unveiled his latest Medicaid reform plan, created in conjunction with his new vice presidential running mate, Paul Ryan. The plan would combine Ryan’s Medicare...

Monday, August 13th, 2012

Komen CEO Resigns; Several Candidates Offer to Step Up

  After Susan G. Komen for the Cure’s founder and chief executive officer, Nancy Brinker, announced her resignation on Wednesday, questions have been swirling like a loose pink ribbon on a windy day. In a statement to...

Thursday, August 9th, 2012

Texas to Seek Death Penalty in Case Against Juvenile Offender

In a press conference held today at the Dallas County Courthouse, Dallas District Attorney Craig Watkins announced that he would be seeking the death penalty in the upcoming murder trial of ten-year-old José Rodriguez. The announcement comes...

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

Obama, Romney Hospitalized for Identity Disorder

  Within minutes of each other, both President Barack Obama and his challenger, former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney, were taken via ambulance to be admitted to the psychiatric ward of St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Washington, D.C....

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Former US Citizens Form Lobby Group to Regain Right to Vote

In a press conference held today outside his Singapore residence, Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin announced the formation of a new special interest group, Former Americans for Voting Rights (FAVR). The group was formed by several former American...

Thursday, July 12th, 2012

For Katie Holmes, Marriage Became a 'Mission Impossible'

After filing for divorce from actor Tom Cruise last week, Katie Holmes has finally broken her silence on her reasons for ending her five year marriage. “He wanted me to be something I’m not,” said the former...

Monday, July 9th, 2012

Spanish Man Chased Out of Italy Following Euro Cup Final

Yesterday, José Fernandez Carrasco was found collapsed on the steps of Saint-Michel-Archange basilica in Menton, France, a coastal town located on the French-Italian border. Fernandez, a resident of Madrid, Spain, was initially incoherent but eventually told a...

Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Elephant in Supreme Courtroom Leaves Many Angry, Defensive

There was an elephant in the room directly following the announcement of the Supreme Court ruling in favor of the Affordable Care Act, but for reasons unknown to The Gabbler staff, no one on Capitol Hill wanted...

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