THE GABBLER

All the news unfit to print.

HARD NEWS FOR HARDER TIMES

Monday, October 8th, 2012

Obama Releases Statement Explaining Debate Performance

In a press statement today, President Obama revealed that his lackluster performance during last week’s debate was the result of a misunderstanding between his campaign staff and himself. The President said that, in the week prior to the debate, he was discreetly approached by several staff members who informed him that the coming debate was,

Monday, October 1st, 2012

As Debates Quickly Approach, Candidates Prep Intensely

  With the first presidential debate slated for Wednesday, October 3rd, President Barack Obama and his opponent, former Governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney, have been preparing extensively. Many political analysts and Democratic party members insist that for...

Monday, September 17th, 2012

Gabbler Editors Receive Unimpressive Fatwa

  After several Iranian reports indicated that a Muslim religious foundation has recently increased the reward for killing famed British writer Salman Rushdie from $2.8 million to $3.3 million, the staff of The Gabbler were a bit...

Monday, September 10th, 2012

DNC: Behind Every Great Man is an Even Greater Woman (Or So They Claim)

As the political pundits and economic experts of CBS News, the Washington Post, the Daily Beast and countless other publications carefully confirmed or denied the many assertions made in last week’s Democratic National Convention, The Gabbler investigative...

Monday, September 3rd, 2012

Rick Santorum Disappointed by His Inability to Cure Gays at the RNC

In a recent interview with The Gabbler, once presidential hopeful Rick Santorum said that his “greatest disappointment” at last week’s Republican National Convention was being unable to successfully sign up members of the Log Cabin Republicans, a...

Monday, August 27th, 2012

Hoping to Increase Black Support, Romney Releases New Campaign Video

  After a recent NBC and Wall Street Journal poll reported that zero percent of African Americans support Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, a spokesman for the Romney campaign has told The Gabbler that Romney plans to...

Tuesday, August 21st, 2012

Media Reacts to Notorious Joe Biden Fart Gaffe

Political pundits have spent the weekend debating the potential repercussions of the Biden fart gaffe that occurred this past Friday night while Vice President Joe Biden was enjoying a romantic dinner with his wife, Dr. Jill Biden,...

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

Romney Medicaid Reform Proposes Replacing Existing Program with P90X Vouchers

During a fundraiser held yesterday in Birmingham, AL, GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney unveiled his latest Medicaid reform plan, created in conjunction with his new vice presidential running mate, Paul Ryan. The plan would combine Ryan’s Medicare...

Monday, August 13th, 2012

Komen CEO Resigns; Several Candidates Offer to Step Up

  After Susan G. Komen for the Cure’s founder and chief executive officer, Nancy Brinker, announced her resignation on Wednesday, questions have been swirling like a loose pink ribbon on a windy day. In a statement to...

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