After Susan G. Komen for the Cure’s founder and chief executive officer, Nancy Brinker, announced her resignation on Wednesday, questions have been swirling like a loose pink ribbon on a windy day.
In a statement to the press, Brinker explained that she is stepping down as CEO to assume a new role as chair of the organization’s Executive Committee, where she will focus her energy on revenue growth.
In addition to Brinker, Komen’s current president, Liz Thompson, and two board members, Brenda Lauderback and Linda Law, also resigned on Wednesday.
The charity’s numerous resignations follow its short-lived, yet controversial decision in January to revoke funding to Planned Parenthood, which also culminated in the resignation of its former vice president, Karen Handel.
Unfortunately, Handel didn’t leave Komen under the best of terms, according to a draft of her resignation statement that The Gabbler unearthed back in January.
“Planned Parenthood may have raped my intentions, but you’re no better, shoving the Pill of apologetic silence down my goddamn throat,” reads her letter to Brinker.
With Komen facing nation-wide losses in participation for its flagship event, “Walk For the Cure,” by nearly 30 percent, there is one of question on many people’s minds: who will be appointed as the new CEO to help revamp the fledgling breast cancer charity organization’s overall image?
Among the candidates that have expressed interest in filling Brinker’s shoes are prominent anti-feminist and conservative activist Phyllis Shlafly, adult film actor Ron Jeremy, and professional socialite and former reality television star Paris Hilton.
“I do like the direction Komen’s been taking so far,” said Shlafly in a brief phone interview with The Gabbler over the weekend. “Of course, they did pussy out on the whole Planned Parenthood thing, but mark my words: once they elect me as CEO, Cecile Richards will be the one on her knees. She should be used to it by now.”
Mr. Jeremy expressed other reasons for his interest in pursuing the role of CEO for Komen.
“I believe Komen is in need of a face lift — actually, ‘titty lift’ would be more appropriate, am I right? — But anyway, I am just the man to do it. I am a strong advocate for women’s rights, I’m anti-cancer and I’m a proud, progressive and empathetic feminist,” said Jeremy. “Plus, if I’m CEO, I get to take part in as many mammograms as I want, right?”
Ms. Hilton was reportedly hungover and unavailable for comment, but she did send The Gabbler a brief statement on Sunday, by way of text message:
“Saving boobs AND wearing pink? That’s hot.”
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