COMPLAINT FORM
Please type or clearly print all information.
Revised: 7/2009 Catalog Number:106969-English
LAST NAME: Corporation
TELEPHONE: 1-800-244-6227 HOME ADDRESS: 2111 McDonald’s Drive
CITY/STATE /ZIP: Oak Brook, IL, 60523
NAME AND TITLE OF PERSON(S) YOU BELIEVE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST YOU: Burger King
BASIS OF COMPLAINT: Sexual Harrassment
Description of Complaint: List each incident separately and describe in detail the incident(s) and time and place of occurrence.
DESCRIPTION OF INCIDENT:
Sometimes, the King and I have to work in close contact (we are competitors in the same industry, and have a very similar customer base – though I am far and away more successful, even Wendy’s is doing better than him). I’ve noticed over the last few months that he seems to resent my success. One day, we happened to be located right next to each other, and he “accidentally” knocked one of my Happy Meal toys off of my desk. As I bent down to pick it up, I felt his hand caressing the back of my leg. I turned sharply, and he whispered, “Let me come over tonight. I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll know the real meaning of a Golden Arch.”
DATE OF INCIDENT: 9/1/11
WAS INCIDENT REPORTED TO ANYONE? IF YES, WHO? No.
DESCRIPTION OF INCIDENT:
Today, the Burger King ordered French fries, and then proceeded to eat them in front of me, leaning over the counter aggressively. He did so in a sexual manner – licking and sucking emphatically on each fry.
“These fries suck,” he said, laughing softly. “You should get a taste of mine, Micky.”
Then, he began sticking one of the fries in and out of his mouth rapidly, simulating oral sex. Suddenly, he started choking. I panicked, and ran over to give him the Heimlich maneuver. After I dislodged the fry, I noticed that he had a large erection.
DATE OF INCIDENT: 9/12/11
WAS INCIDENT REPORTED TO ANYONE? IF YES, WHO? No.
DESCRIPTION OF INCIDENT:
I caught the Burger King ejaculating into my mayonnaise containers today. Twice.
DATE OF INCIDENT: 10/1/ 11
WAS INCIDENT REPORTED TO ANYONE? IF YES, WHO? I did finally tell Wendy. I thought she would help me. But, apparently, the Burger King has been harassing her for years, too.
DESCRIPTION OF INCIDENT:
When I came into my office today, the Burger King was lying naked on my desk slathered in leftover pink slime and canola oil. I think he was drunk. He began touching himself and singing “Bah-di-bah-bah-bah, I’m lovin’ it.” He slid off the desk and his crown fell over his eyes, making it difficult for him to see. He moved toward me, gripping the desk and chair for support. I started to run, but he chased after me. He tried to tackle me to the ground, but luckily for me, pink slime is very slippery. He fell and lay naked in the hallway, until one of my employees covered him with paper napkins and tied him up using handcuffs he’d fashioned out of plastic straws.
DATE OF INCIDENT: 10/14/11
WAS INCIDENT REPORTED TO ANYONE? IF YES, WHO? I confided in Wendy in her nearby drive-through, and she finally encouraged me come forward. We called the police together, and it is our hope that the Burger King will be held responsible for his inhumane behavior. I just want my life back.
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