Monday, December 31st, 2012
The following list was found on the desk of the Oval Office and appears to be President Obama’s personal New Year’s Resolutions. Several relate to his family and personal life, but many are related to his duties as president and reflect his agenda in the coming months. -QUIT SMOKING (I think I can, I
Monday, November 19th, 2012
The following autobiographical essay was sent to The Gabbler by Liberty, the turkey pardoned last year by President Obama. After receiving the pardon, Liberty was sent to live out the rest of his natural life on Mount...
Wednesday, November 7th, 2012
Rove Rage (roʊv reɪdʒ): anger over statistical analysis that predicts a future other than the one preferred. Only known cure is proclaiming that the situation is “awkward.” When I told my niece that her chances of marrying...
Friday, October 19th, 2012
The following letter was found in a pile of letters to Santa and God, but was addressed to former Governor Romney and President Obama instead. It appears to be from a class of kindergartners from Oak Bridge...
Monday, October 8th, 2012
In a press statement today, President Obama revealed that his lackluster performance during last week’s debate was the result of a misunderstanding between his campaign staff and himself. The President said that, in the week prior to...
Monday, September 10th, 2012
As the political pundits and economic experts of CBS News, the Washington Post, the Daily Beast and countless other publications carefully confirmed or denied the many assertions made in last week’s Democratic National Convention, The Gabbler investigative...
Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
The following speech was scheduled to be given by Donald Trump at the Republican National Convention. Unfortunately, Trump’s speech was canceled as part of scheduling changes made due to the threat of Tropical Storm Isaac. In his...
Tuesday, June 5th, 2012
Yesterday, during a Barack Obama fundraising gala held at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City, Bill Clinton gave a speech in which he highlighted all of Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s advantages over President Obama. Clinton, who...
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