June 5th, 2012
Clinton Campaigns for Romney at Obama Fundraising Event

Yesterday, during a Barack Obama fundraising gala held at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City, Bill Clinton gave a speech in which he highlighted all of Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s advantages over President Obama. Clinton, who recently stirred up controversy by praising what he called Romney’s “sterling business career,” was supposedly attending the event in support of President Obama, but spent much of the time comparing the two candidates, with Romney coming out on top in the comparisons.

Clinton began his speech by claiming that he was there for “the sole purpose of supporting the President in his reelection bid” but then informed the crowd of donors that he needed “to be honest about some facts I’ve dug up, concerning these two men.” Clinton then began reciting a list of characteristics shared by the two candidates.

“Both men have children, but Romney’s record there is much more extensive, beginning in in 1970 with the birth of the first of five boys. Obama, meanwhile, only began having children in 1998 and then only managed to have two girls.” Clinton then spoke about their marital records. “Obama’s only been married about 20 years, but Romney’s been married for a whole 43 years. So as you can see, Romney’s been much more pro-marriage and pro-children for much longer than Obama.”

Clinton later switched to a discussion of their professional lives, saying that “while Obama is impressive in being the 44^th president of the United States of America, Romney was the 70^th governor of Massachusetts. A distance of 34 executives separates that number, showing Romney’s tenure as part of a much stronger, longer-lasting tradition.” He continued by comparing their signatures, calling Romney’s “the much more manly of the two, slantey and sure” while Obama’s is “kind of girly and bubbley, like Chelsea’s handwriting in the fifth grade.”

Clinton concluded by praising both men, saying “they both have equally ridiculous sounding names, especially when you’re out in California enjoying some medical-grade marijuana for your tension headaches” before encouraging the crowd to “vote for Rom-Obama!” Despite Clinton’s ambivalent speech, the event, coupled with several others in the New York area, helped to bring in millions of dollars for the Obama campaign.