The following letter was found in a pile of letters to Santa and God, but was addressed to former Governor Romney and President Obama instead. It appears to be from a class of kindergartners from Oak Bridge Elementary (location unknown) and includes a list of rules they believe the two presidential candidates should follow leading up to the election. The letter appears below unedited and all errors in punctuation, spelling, grammar and capitalization are included.
Dear Mr. Former Governor Romney and Mr. President Obama and all the other Men In Suits,
Our big kid friends in the 5th grade are helping us write this letter to you. First we would like to say that we like your suits. They make you look very handsome. Some of our dads wear suits, too. Wouldn’t they be even cooler with spaceships or fire trucks all over them, though?
We would just like to tell you some of the things that we have learned in kindergarten. Because we think that maybe you did not learn any of these things because of what you do and say. It’s like you don’t know these simple rules! But don’t worry, they’re easy.
1.) Lying is always bad. Even good lies, like telling your grandma that her new hair color is pretty, are bad because then when she goes to the store and everyone looks at her funny she will be confused. It is better to just not say anything or to say something that is cute but true like “I love you!” So please don’t lie, ever. It is wrong and will hurt people.
2.) Don’t call each other names. Even weird names that don’t make sense, like “malarkey.” It’s mean and we’re surprised that man with the blue eyes and big nose didn’t cry from being called it so much. But he sure did look mad.
3.) Don’t say you’re going to punch each other, One of our mommies said that two men called senatators or something said that they were going to punch each other during the veeeep debait. We don’t know what senatators are, but we hope they’re like tator tots. But punching each other is bad. And if you say it and don’t mean it, then that is lying, which is also bad. Stop lying and hurting each other.
4.) Don’t interrupt. Interrupting is rude. We know sometimes you have really important thoughts like, “Oh look, a puppy!” when there’s a puppy nearby. But it’s important to wait your turn.
5.) Don’t put people in binders. We heard that Mr. Former Governor Romney was putting women in binders. That must hurt! People are supposed to use binders not be put in them.
6.) Women are people, too. Listen, we know better than anyone that girls have cooties. But so do boys! That’s why we all get equal turns in the 4 square court. Because boys and girls are equal.
We hope that these ideas help you. Also, in exchange for them, can we please go to outer space? We hear you have space shuttles! Our first choice is anywhere with aliens and our second choice is Mars and our third choice is the Moon.
The Kindergarten Class of Oak Bridge Elementary
P.S. Thank you to the 5th graders for writing for us. It is also important to always thank people who help you, even if sometimes they also steal the Fruit Roll Ups that your parents packed in your lunch.