THE GABBLER

Author Archive

Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

Flubola

FLUBOLA: (flu boʊ lə)a deadly virus, commonly known as “the flu,” responsible for the deaths of 50,000 Americans annually. “Nancy just got diagnosed with flubola.” “WHAT?! Nancy has Ebola?!?!” “No, FLU-bola.” “Eh, give her some Gatorade, she’ll be fine.”

Friday, September 12th, 2014

Overheard: Conversations about Ferguson

Weeks after the shooting of Michael Brown, the media seems to have moved on. But the stark reality of racism in modern America had a solid fifteen minutes of fame before more important news (all SEVEN seasons...

Friday, August 1st, 2014

My Nana Reviews the Official Fifty Shades of Grey Trailer

Last week’s news headlines read like Debbie Downer’s Diary: PMS Edition. Israeli attacks on Gaza continue to result in high civilian casualties. Doctor who bravely dedicated himself to fighting the Ebola outbreak in Liberia contracts the lethal...

Monday, July 14th, 2014

Her Rakish Earl: A Deputante’s Obsession (With Romance Novels)

Summer time and the readin’s easy! For years, Americans have basked in the sun’s glow with “beach reads,” basically an excuse to read romance novels filled with explicit sex scenes in public because the ocean is nearby...

Wednesday, June 18th, 2014

Preschoolers Host Clinic on How to Fall Properly for World Cup Players

An official committee, made up of six three year-olds and a precocious two year-old, were recruited by World Cup officials to teach players how to fall without becoming hysterical. The clinic was held Sunday night, following the...

Friday, May 23rd, 2014

Beachriotism

Beachriotism: The practice of honoring American’s fallen veterans by day drinking and tanning at the beach. “Dude, be more respectful, grab an ice cold Coors, and get your ass on the sand. Show some beachriatism. People died so...

Saturday, May 10th, 2014

Megabus Announces Its New Writer’s Residency Program

Megabus is now officially accepting applications for its 2014 summer writer’s residency program, they announced this morning on their website. Inspired by Amtrak’s writer’s residency, the Megabus program will run from June 15th through August 31st, 2014 and...

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

Ode to My Unpaid Internship

Unpaid internships are often portrayed by the media as placing unfair barriers to entry in key industries. Since many can’t afford to work 40 hours a week for free, industries that require inter experience for entry-level positions...

Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

Affordable Care Act Deadline Rescheduled to Ensure Better Media Coverage

Due to the minimal news coverage of the recent Affordable Care Act enrollment deadline, officials have extended the deadline until further notice. “Listen, we probably should have planned better,” a spokeswoman said at a poorly attended press...

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