Over a year ago, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was shot dead by George Zimmerman, an act that reverberated across the nation. In order to better measure the public reaction, The Gabbler asked two average American citizens to share their opinions  on what happened that fateful night. Now, with Zimmerman’s acquittal, The Gabbler asked these two illustrious citizens to return and share their feelings about the not guilty verdict.

Now I just want to say, I stand by my earlier essay I wrote for this very blog, whatever the hell a blog is. I still think that little pissant Trayvon Martin had it coming. Not because he was black, but because he was 17. All 17-year-olds, black, white, Chinese, Mexican or one of those half-and-half I have two daddies freaks, deserve far worse than a bullet, what with their whining and their Mary Jane smoking and their internet.

But just because Martin deserved it for being a whiny little punk ass kid doesn’t mean Zimmerman didn’t deserve to go to jail. Sorry pal, but that’s the law. Face it like a man. You should have listened when the cops told you to stay in your truck. Back in Nam, I shot a lot of damn dirty Viet Cong commies, who all deserved it. But was I ready to face the music if they captured me and I became a POW? You’re darn tootin’ I was, because I’m a man. And I always listened to my superiors when they ordered me to stay put. Always. The way I see it, this trial, Zimmerman was supposed to face up to his punishment like a man and head to jail. Plus, little Georgie boy himself isn’t too far past the pissant stage himself. Wouldn’t be too big of a loss if he were locked away until he reached a nice, respectable age.

Now the whole country is rioting and screaming about racism. But let me tell you something. Racism is not letting one half-Mexican go free because you relied on a bunch of hormonal, brain-addled women on their periods to bring some justice into this world. Racism is whining about how you got rejected from college because you’re white, when really you got rejected because you’re a dumbass. Racism is believing that racism’s over just because the president is black. Racism is me hiring a Jew to be my lawyer, a Chinamen to do my taxes, a Mexican to mow my lawn, and a black woman to be my whore. Racism is looking at the Trayvon Martin case and crying “it’s not white on black crime, Zimmerman is Mexican!”

COUNTERPOINT: 

Who’s Skittles Are They, REALLY?

Though I stand by my previous statements on Skittles and their uncanny ability to make everyone look like a nasty hooligan who is up to no good, I cannot help but wonder after this trial if there is simply more to the story.

You see, at first, CNN told me that Martin was a poor little black boy, just trying to buy Skittles. Granted, he was buying Skittles, one of the nastiest, most vulgar candies known to man (Has anyone else seen those creepy commercials where Skittles grow out of their faces? Horrible!), but nonetheless, he was only a child and thus, he cannot be held responsible for his taste in sweets.

But then, HuffPo let me know that Zimmerman was Hispanic. Well, NYT called him “white Hispanic,” but Hispanic nonetheless. With a name like Zimmerman? That is far too confusing – and the Jews have been through enough. I felt torn. Which minority is my socially-liberal-yet-fiscally-conservative white guilt more aligned with? What with all this anti-immigration policy in fashion, isn’t being Hispanic as unfortunate as being black nowadays?

But THEN I was reading CBS on my iPad and saw photo evidence that Martin hurt poor Zimmerman, and suggesting that Zimmerman acted in self defense! And they started posting all of those rather threatening photos of Martin. And of course, there was the matter of his school suspension due to the possession of cannabis, or something dreadful like that! Perhaps those Skittles had already begun to take their toll on the boy after all!

THEN, everyone started criticizing media outlets like Fox News for posting those photos in the first place, and I felt very bad indeed for judging Martin on his not-so-nice photos. Besides, from the looks of those grainy shots, he only had an iPhone 3, at the absolute maximum. I can only imagine, poor child.

THEN, NBC released those edited 911 calls, and I must say, Zimmerman seemed positively wretched! What if – gasp – Zimmerman was trying to steal the Skittles all along!?! I should have known – my father’s nasty third wife (the one with the Skittle addiction) was definitely part Latino! She was far too provocative and busty to be Anglo.

But then I found out from CNN that they were edited and that he was going to sue NBC for libel, so once again, my heart bled for Zim.

THEN, The Chicago Tribune spilled the beans that Zimmerman and his wife LIED about how much he could afford for bail. I was astounded! Who could lie about their personal finances just to save a few dollars? (Don’t look at me like that! My accountant handles all that nonsense. And besides, dividends are perfectly legal, thank you very much.)

But anyway, so THEN, I wondered if this Zimmerman character could lie about money, was he lying about how he sustained his injuries? And if so, then…oh no! Poor Trayvon! Zimmerman was after those evil Skittles all along!

But THEN, I followed the trial, and Zimmerman was set free. Could it be that he was in the right all along? It can’t be, because all of those poor minorities are rioting right and left for dear Trayvon. But then again, juror B37 has already got a book deal in the works, so she has to be a voice of reason and intelligence in all of this, right? I decided then and there that I needed to do something; this year-long saga has left me positively verklempt!

Unfortunately, that gossipy media can’t seem to make up its mind (or let me make up my own) about who’s at fault, so I  wrote a check for a large sum to each of their causes and booked my usual 2:00 PM massage. My hope is that this way, neither party will be want for anything – especially Skittles – again.

BALLPOINT:

POINT written by Jessica Pierce and COUNTERPOINT written by Lisa DeBenedictis.