THE GABBLER

August 31st, 2012
Dick-fil-a, Invisible Obama, Lohan No-Hands

 

Dick-fil-a (dɪk fɪl eɪ): an adjective describing a person who justifies being a total asshole by claiming he or she is engaging in a form of activism. “So I went up to the girl at the counter and I yelled, ‘Fuck no, I don’t want any fucking homophobic curly fries, you intolerant asshole’ and then I walked away. It’s called making a difference.” “No, dude, it’s called being a total dick-fil-a. That poor 16-year-old was probably just working the only shitty minimum wage job she could get in the hopes that by her 17th birthday she can afford a car made after 1995.”

Invisible Obama (ɪn vɪzəbəl əʊˈbɑːmə): A figurative expression made famous by Clint Eastwood’s 2012 Republican National Convention appearance, in which he addressed an empty chair as president Barack Obama, used most commonly when people opt to criticize someone or something that isn’t actually present to respond or defend himself. “You know what, Mr. Beam? You can just…pull your thumb out of your ass long enough to do it yourself! I quit, you fucking bastard!” “Hey, Carla, who are you talking to, Invisible Obama? That speech would have been much more impressive if Mr. Beam was actually in the room.”   

Lohan No-Hands: (ləʊ hɑːn noʊ hænds): An act of theft committed with such ease that it appears as if the thief could do it with their hands tied behind their back. Origin: Inspired by actress Lindsay Lohan’s many thefts. “Did you do it?” “Omigod, I totally stole those M&M’s. Lohan No-Hands!”

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