Today we celebrate Presidents’ Day and honor America’s greatest leaders. But what about the not-so-great ones? The presidents who have faded into oblivion, completely forgotten by the American people? The Zachary Taylors and Martin Van Burens and Rutherford B. Hayes of the presidency? To help you remember the presidents you never knew we had, here’s a list of superlatives featuring America’s forgotten presidents.
Most Likely to Get Stuck in a Bathtub and Fall Asleep at the Dinner Table
William Howard Taft
Most Forgettable Founding Father
James Monroe
The Either Gay or Philandering President, No One Really Knows
James Buchanan
Most Likely to Be Accused of Hosting White House Orgies and Joining the KKK
Warren G. Harding
Most Likely to Have a “Soap-on-a-Rope” Bust Made of Him for a Kia Commercial
Millard Filmore
The First President Plagued by Crazy Birthers
Chester A. Arthur
Most Likely to Complete All the Items on His Presidential Agenda and Still Get Forgotten by History
James K. Polk
Republican Most Likely to Push Federal Spending over $1 Billion for the First Time in the History of the Country
Benjamin Harrison
Most Likely to Survive the Mexican-American War Only to Later Be Killed by Cherries and Milk
Zachary Taylor
Best Hair
Martin Van Buren
Most Likely to Be Anna Kendrick’s Son
Franklin Pierce
Biggest Teetotaler
Rutherford B. Hayes
BONUS: PRESIDENT YOU’VE ACTUALLY HEARD OF
Most Likely to Deny Enjoying Tyler Perry Movies
Thomas Jefferson
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