September 4th, 2013
Reason behind Scott Brown’s Possible Campaigns Revealed by Internal Memo

An internal memo leaked to The Gabbler and written by Scott Brown to an anonymous campaign manager revealed that the true intention behind his recent campaign stops was to get a reality show.

In recent weeks, experts have speculated that the former Cosmopolitan center-fold and Republican senator is considering running for governor of Massachusetts, a Massachusetts Senate seat, a New Hampshire Senate seat, and possibly for President in 2016. Without revealing his true plans, Brown made several campaign stops, including a visit to the Iowa State Fair, a Cheap Trick concert held at Hampton Beach Casino in New Hampshire, and a fundraiser for Citizens for a Strong New Hampshire in Portsmouth, NH.

The memo received this morning by The Gabbler, was titled “Campaign Objectives” and was addressed to his future campaign manager. The main objective, written under the title in large bold lettering was listed simply as “GET MY HOT ASS ON REALITY TV.”

Brown continued to outline his idea for a reality TV show, to be titled Scott Brown’s Big Tent, and meant to chronicle “one extremely attractive man’s day-to-day struggle to bring the Republican party under one metaphorical (and maybe literal? Depends on budget…) big tent.” He also expressed that he wanted the aesthetic to be “a mash-up of the down home style of Sarah Palin’s Alaska and Honey Boo Boo with the glamour of Keeping up with the Kardashians and the Real Housewives franchise.”

This outline included a few episode ideas involving famous Republicans.

“I bring Chris Christie to the tent and have him meet with The Biggest Loser’s Jillian Michaels, who helps that fat bastard reach all his weight loss goals,” read one of his pitches.

Another idea was “a contest to see who can get Dick Cheney to actually smile.”

His pilot episode was described as simply “a pose-off between Paul Ryan and me.”

Following the outline and episode guide, Brown discussed his strategy for garnering enough media attention to be offered a reality show deal. The main strategy consisted of listing all of the offices for which he was eligible to run and planning various campaign stops to get buzz going about any and all campaigns. He concluded by saying “This is America: go big or go home. Just look at Christie.”

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