August 27th, 2012
Hoping to Increase Black Support, Romney Releases New Campaign Video


After a recent NBC and Wall Street Journal poll reported that zero percent of African Americans support Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, a spokesman for the Romney campaign has told The Gabbler that Romney plans to increase his efforts to make himself more appealing to black voters.

“I mean, yeah, I’m a little upset,” said Romney in a recent interview with The Gabbler on Sunday. “I have lots of black friends! My maid, Maria–oh, excuse me, I’m told she is actually Dominican. Close, though! Also, I run into Deval Patrick pretty often at my favorite steakhouse in Boston, and he always says ‘hi’ to me. And once, Will Smith and I stayed at the same hotel!”

Despite Romney’s insistence that he does in fact have “scores” of black friends, the Romney camp is also in the process of creating a new campaign video in the hopes of attracting more African American voters.

The video, which was said to be inspired by Francois Hollande’s controversial campaign video used a few months ago, will feature an explicit version of Jay-Z’s “Where I’m From” as its theme song and consist of Romney strolling up and down some of the country’s most crime-ridden streets.

Romney has also reportedly hired a voice coach and ebonics instructor for assistance in honing his speaking skills in the new video.

“Was I a little nervous? Yes. Did I have fifteen armed body guards with me? Yes. Did I hire a cleaning service to get rid of that fishy, car exhaust-like smell? Of course,” explained Romney of the time spent shooting the video. “But it was totally worth it. I’m just trying to let these people see a different side of me.”

The video will also feature Romney wearing a brand new pair of sneakers designed by rapper and hip hop artist Kanye West, which, incidentally, cost the candidate more than $90,000.

On the cost of the shoes, Romney released a curt and unapologetic statement: “Don’t hate. We be high rollaz, homes.”

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