September 3rd, 2012
Rick Santorum Disappointed by His Inability to Cure Gays at the RNC

In a recent interview with The Gabbler, once presidential hopeful Rick Santorum said that his “greatest disappointment” at last week’s Republican National Convention was being unable to successfully sign up members of the Log Cabin Republicans, a group of fiscal conservatives who also support LGBTQ issues, for conversion therapy, a form of therapy that claims to “cure” people of homosexuality.

Santorum said that after hearing that the Republican National Convention Committee was planning to invited the Log Cabin Republicans onto the convention floor for the first time, he partnered with the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) to set up a booth offering information about conversion therapy and provide an opportunity for individuals to sign up for this controversial form of therapy throughout the country.

“I really thought that all this talk of traditional, correct family values would really inspire the attending gays to reevaluate their unnatural lifestyle,” Santorum said. “I mean, I thought that was the plan all along. Why else would we invite them in when our platform clearly states that we will stop at nothing to preserve the sanctity of marriage?”

Santorum also said that he stands behind conversion therapy, even as California moves to ban the practice. “The technique really worked for my, um, friend,” he said, before looking around uncomfortably.

“Ultimately, this is a message of inclusion,” Santorum said. “Of course the gays are welcome into the Republican Party; where they can finally get the help they need.”