THE GABBLER

Nonfiction essays and prose.

MOLESKINE CONFESSIONS

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

How Not to Order a Shitty Drink So People Know You’re Not 19 Anymore

 The following is an excerpt from a forthcoming memoir entitled I’m Your Waitress and You’re an Idiot, written by Marie Mills, who worked as a waitress in several high-end restaurants and bars to put herself through college, graduate school, and law school. You douche-bags may be too busy shoving free bread down your throat to realize

Friday, April 26th, 2013

The Truth About Fear

 While we at The Gabbler are almost always happy to use humor to hide our true feelings of sadness and insecurity, sometimes even we are unable to laugh when something so tragic occurs. The following is a...

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013

Confessions of an Authentic Poseur

The following personal essay describes the journey of Jen Burgess, a young New Jersey woman, as she navigates through a variety of American subcultures. From punk to hipster to survivalist, Jen unsuccessfully tries to find herself and...

Monday, January 28th, 2013

Can You Feel 'The Magic'?

The following diary outlines the experience of Anna Mitchell, who rigorously followed the principles outlined in The Magic, the latest self-help book in The Secret series. Anna, unhappy with her job and recently dumped, purchased a copy...

Monday, January 14th, 2013

The Funny Woman's Indiana Jones

Recently, the New Yorker published a piece by Nathan Heller exploring the twisted, promising, hyper-confessional, neurotic reality of the twentysomething and society’s obsession with it. Upon reading this article The Gabbler’s Jessica Pierce took an honest inventory...

Monday, December 24th, 2012

My Name is Santa and I’m a Food Addict

  The following essay was anonymously submitted to the Gabbler with the request that it be published before Christmas Eve. It seems to be the confessions of Santa Clause himself, who is apparently a long suffering food addict...

Monday, December 10th, 2012

An Extreme Couponer’s Guide to Holiday Shopping

The following excerpt comes from the self-published ebook, The Extreme Couponer’s Guide to Life by Mary Robucks. Mrs. Robucks, who regularly saves up to 85 percent on her grocery bill, sent the excerpt to The Gabbler, to...

Wednesday, November 28th, 2012

The Dark Knight of the Domestic World (Excerpt)

  After she was caught breaking and entering a house in Ohio with the sole intention of cleaning it, police and civilians alike were baffled by the motivations of the woman they soon came to call “The Cleaning Fairy.”...

Friday, August 17th, 2012

Living Under a Rock: Literally

  When a subterranean Islamic sect of over 70 people was discovered in Russia last week, more than 20 children were taken into government custody on the grounds of child abuse and neglect. One 13-year-old boy kept...

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