September 5th, 2012
Ask Me Anything with the Veep

The following thread appears to be Vice President Joe Biden’s attempt at a Reddit thread, in imitation of President Obama’s recent use of the Reddit Ask Me Anything forum to reach out to constituents. However, this particular thread was found on the site ReadIt, an online forum for members of Reading, Pennsylvania. Biden has not since published a thread on Reddit, although there is speculation that he may following the Democratic National Convention.


Hi, I’m Joe Biden, vice president of the United States, here to answer your questions, just like my boy Obama did last week!  After a brief, accidental foray into ThreadIt, a community of needlepoint enthusiasts (btw, thanks, ladies, for finally helping me master the elusive encroaching upright gobelin stitch!), I’ve finally made it here, to Reddit, where I’ll be happy to spend the next 30 minutes answering any and all questions you might have for me, Joe Biden!

UPDATE: Well that was fun. I’m off now, for my mandatory four hours of campaign anti-gaffe coaching, but I have to say, it’s no ThreadIt, but this whole Reddit thing isn’t too shabby.


Question: What do you even do?

Answer: Tons of stuff! I like to spend time with Jill, my lovely wife. Oh! And being a grandpa is just great! Also, I’m the vice president, which your civics class should have taught you is a position where you do a lot of thankless work and then get yelled at by everybody for one LITTLE comment you accidently make about putting black people back in chains (even though it was clearly Romney who wants to do that, NOT me). In fact, as VP, I get yelled at a lot, even though my practical, devil’s advocate approach keeps everyone from just running off to commie town, am I right? Plus, whose personal relationships built during a 35 plus year run as a Senator do you think allows the White House to work with Congress Republicans? But NOOOOO, it’s much more important that I keep my mouth shut about gay marriage so that Obama can drop that bomb when he sees fit.

Question: As a former single parent, do you really think that women can have it all?

Answer: Well I can certainly name one woman who has it all: Dr. Jill Biden. A handsome, successful husband who’s just a heartbeat away from the highest level of power in the world, albeit a very strong and well exercised heartbeat (thanks, Michelle!), a beautiful daughter, loving stepsons and grandchildren, a successful career. The first Second Lady to ever continue working once her husband takes office because what she says goes in our household, no matter how many times I ask who’s supposed to organize tea time for visiting dignitaries! But seriously, ladies, you know I’ve got your back, right? I get it, ok. I might not have the same parts as you, but I know exactly what it feels like to commute hours every day just so that you can pursue your career dreams while still maintaining a sense of stability in your children’s lives. And at the end of the week all you want is a nice bubble bath and maybe a brownie or a glass of wine, but NO your youngest is on the verge of tears because his older brother told him that Big Bird wasn’t real and there is just so much laundry. What I really mean to say, is thank God I found Jill, because she was really able to sort out that Big Bird problem for me.

Question: What are you going to do, personally, to get me a job? Seriously, this unemployed and living in my mom’s basement thing is getting old, especially given how much food service experience I have.

Answer: We’re working on it. I wish I could just find everyone in America a job, I really do, but I’m too busy flying around the world in a private jet and being pampered by our allies while we talk wars and stuff.  (Although, I hear Chili’s is hiring…check out their application here!) But seriously, I’m trying, okay? I mean, I spent a lot of time overseeing the stimulus, ensuring that there was absolutely almost no corruption at all and that the money really went to helping maintain and create jobs, which is always good for the economy! (That must be why California Pizza Kitchen is also hiring!) Seriously, though, the internet is filled with online applications for food service related jobs. What are you doing all day in that basement instead of just filling out a few of them?

Question: Is Iran going to nuke us?

Answer: Not if you reelect Obama. ;)

Question: I hear you’re a 99 percenter like the rest of us (second poorest member of Congress in ‘08, hell yeah!). How come I’ve never seen you down at Occupy, man? Also, how has your relative poverty helped inform the work you do as veep?

Answer: Okay, I’m going to be completely honest: not cool. You don’t think it’s just a little bit embarrassing for me to be running with all these millionaires and for you to just tell the internet how poor ole Joe Biden is? You know what, some of us started our Senatorial careers a little too young to bring in much bacon with our fancy law degrees, okay? Do you know that I was the sixth youngest Senator in US history? I was too busy working on behalf of my constituents in Delaware to bring in money on the side, okay? And I had two boys to raise, on my own, thank you very much, until Jill came along. So sorry that I don’t fit your image of the slick, wealthy politician. Nope I’m just Ole Joe from Scranton, won’t see him in an Armani suit at the debate. It’s just embarrassing, okay, I’m not proud of it. But you know what? The VP salary isn’t bad, so I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.

Question: What’s your opinion of Paul Ryan?

Answer: Don’t even get me started. The thought that, if things don’t go my way in November, Ryan could be in my office, jerking off to Atlas Shrugged or getting his P90X sweat all over my chair disgusts me. I mean if this guy is as good at creating gridlock as VP as he was in the Super Committee our country is doomed. As VP, I know the importance of greasing the wheels, getting things done, making compromises, hiding your true disgust with the Republican Party. This guy can’t do any of that, so he’s just going to sit around hrumphing about no compromises for lower taxes on millionaires and banning gay marriage while running our country into the ground.

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