May 20th, 2013
Shit Not to Say on a First Date

“Have you heard about that new drug-resistant strain of gonorrhea?”

“Oh, you’re from Texas? I have this thing for cowboys. But only because of some pretty intense erotica I’ve been reading lately.”

“Hast thou not heard, my fair gentleman, that today marketh Talk Like Shakespeare Day?”

“I love your eyes. The gold flecks make them look like Edward Cullen’s after he feeds. Do you want to be the “lion who fell in love with the lamb?” You know, like that Twilight quote?”

“Confession: I may have created an imaginary Facebook account impersonating your aunt and friended you a few days ago. And can I just say, your college graduation photo with your mom from like, 2008, is adorable!”

“I always wanted my first time to be with a redhead.”

“I’ve told my mom ALL about you.”

“Is it okay if I Live Blog our date?”

“Have you ever done it in a PortaPotty?”

“I love that neighborhood! I’m hoping to move there as soon as my restraining order is lifted.”

“Yeah, my last girlfriend was obsessed with giving me blow jobs.”

“What do you think our kids would look like? I hope they have your eyes, and my cheekbones!”

“So, would you say you’re more of a Dom, or a Sub?”


Comments are closed.