Nonfiction essays and prose.


Friday, November 20th, 2015

The 12 Stages of Social Media Grief in Response to Paris Bombing

As updates on the horrific terrorist attacks in Paris transpired over last Friday night, social media users across the United States and elsewhere struggled with how their social presences should react. The following is a list of the common 12 stages of social media grief in response to these attacks. Please keep in mind that

Saturday, March 21st, 2015

Where’s Putin Been: The Gabbler’s Top 10 Theories Of Varying Validity

He was wrestling lions in Kenya. Note from the Kremlin press office: No lions were injured during the course of the fights. It was all in good fun, and they shared a few beers a topless bar...

Wednesday, December 31st, 2014

The Gabbler’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2015

What have we learned? What can we look forward to? What mistakes are we going to make, yet again? Racism is alive and real, so let’s work on that in 2015, America. Visit Cuba! Havana Nights, baby…...

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

“I Was Born With 6 Toes! (Or How My 600-Word College Admissions Essay Will Set Me Apart From the Rest of the Global Competition)”

This fall, high school seniors all over the country are hard-pressed to come up with a college admissions essay that isn’t cliched, tired, or just plain boring. As colleges get more competitive and diverse, suburban white kids...

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

Ode to My Unpaid Internship

Unpaid internships are often portrayed by the media as placing unfair barriers to entry in key industries. Since many can’t afford to work 40 hours a week for free, industries that require inter experience for entry-level positions...

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

Mastering the Master Cleanse: a Cautionary Tale

Some  of the most popular New Year’s resolutions are to lose weight, eat healthy, and detox from the overindulgence of the holiday season. Luckily for us, there’s a simple template we can all follow to easily achieve...

Monday, January 13th, 2014

The World’s Smartest, Handsomest Little Man Gets Rejected from UPenn

A recent study revealed that if your kids have low self-esteem, lavishing them with praise just makes is worse. In fact, it makes them less likely to accept challenges when given the option between a difficult assignment...

Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

The Elf Diaries

To many of us, Christmas elves are cheery little creatures with a great work ethic and an affinity for pointed shoes. That’s why when the The Gabbler received a copy of a manuscript for a new memoir,...

Friday, October 11th, 2013

Praise Be upon Google

The following diary entry was written by the personal assistant of a Google Marketing Associate, known only as “Margaret.” A huge Google enthusiast, Margaret was ecstatic to learn about Googlism, a recent movement to treat Google as...

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