October 8th, 2012
Obama Releases Statement Explaining Debate Performance

In a press statement today, President Obama revealed that his lackluster performance during last week’s debate was the result of a misunderstanding between his campaign staff and himself.

The President said that, in the week prior to the debate, he was discreetly approached by several staff members who informed him that the coming debate was, in fact, an elaborate prank orchestrated by the MTV program Punk’d.

“I was told by these staff members that the episode would air, as a surprise to MTV viewers, prior to the actual debate, which would be pushed back to the week following the VP debate,” Obama said in his statement.

“My understanding of the program is that it is an attempt to get a rise out of celebrities, such as myself, a chance for viewers to see them get angry or overly aggressive. However, a true leader cannot ever appear overly aggressive, not even for the entertainment of the lovely MTV audience.”

According to the statement released today, President Obama intentionally toned down his debate performance in order to appear more docile and in control for the MTV viewers. However, “Ashton Kutcher never appeared, even as the whole debate wrapped up.”

The President expressed his regret that the debate was, in fact, an actual presidential debate and not an elaborate prank. However, he remains suspicious and said, “My campaign team and I have not ruled out the possibility that the prank is even more elaborate than originally suspected and, in fact, includes the negative media coverage surrounding the debate’s aftermath. Ashton, come out! I know you’re there!”

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