THE GABBLER » zachary taylor https://thegabbler.com Just Goosing Around Mon, 01 Feb 2016 21:40:33 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0.1 Honoring America’s Greatest Forgotten Presidents https://thegabbler.com/the-broken-seal/2014/02/17/honoring-americas-greatest-forgotten-presidents/ https://thegabbler.com/the-broken-seal/2014/02/17/honoring-americas-greatest-forgotten-presidents/#comments Mon, 17 Feb 2014 16:41:47 +0000 http://thegabbler.com/?p=2813 Today we celebrate Presidents’ Day and honor America’s greatest leaders. But what about the not-so-great ones? The presidents who have faded into oblivion, completely forgotten by the American people? The Zachary Taylors and Martin Van Burens and Rutherford B. Hayes of the presidency? To help you remember the presidents you never knew we had, here’s a list of superlatives featuring America’s forgotten presidents.

 

Most Likely to Get Stuck in a Bathtub and Fall Asleep at the Dinner Table

William Howard Taft

 

Most Forgettable Founding Father

James Monroe

 

The Either Gay or Philandering President, No One Really Knows

James Buchanan

 

Most Likely to Be Accused of Hosting White House Orgies and Joining the KKK

Warren G. Harding

 

Most Likely to Have a “Soap-on-a-Rope” Bust Made of Him for a Kia Commercial

Millard Filmore

 

The First President Plagued by Crazy Birthers

Chester A. Arthur

 

Most Likely to Complete All the Items on His Presidential Agenda and Still Get Forgotten by History

James K. Polk

 

Republican Most Likely to Push Federal Spending over $1 Billion for the First Time in the History of the Country

Benjamin Harrison

 

Most Likely to Survive the Mexican-American War Only to Later Be Killed by Cherries and Milk

Zachary Taylor

 

Best Hair

Martin Van Buren

 

Most Likely to Be Anna Kendrick’s Son

Franklin Pierce

 

Biggest Teetotaler

Rutherford B. Hayes

 

BONUS: PRESIDENT YOU’VE ACTUALLY HEARD OF

Most Likely to Deny Enjoying Tyler Perry Movies

Thomas Jefferson

 

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