Facebook is proving that it cares more about expanding internationally than protecting users’ rights to privacy and expression.

On Jan. 9, Facebook’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg released a firm and emotional statement on the importance of free speech to Facebook, signing off with the ubiquitous hashtag, “Je Suis Charlie.”

A few weeks later, Facebook complied with an order from the Turkish government to remove images of the Prophet Mohammed, the latest in a series of moves from the social network that give into government influence. The decision reflects the lucrative market that Turkey represents for the American tech company.

In late December, Facebook acquiesced to the Russian government’s order to block access to a page calling for a protest in support of Alexei Navalny. Navalny is Russian President Vladamir Putin’s most vocal critic and is currently under house arrest in Moscow.

It’s also no secret that Zuckerberg has been actively seeking to have Facebook operate in the Chinese market, hosting the Chinese minister of Cyberspace Administration at Facebook’s headquarters, and sucking up to the Chinese President Xi Jinping. If Facebook did receive permission to operate in China, where it is currently blocked, it would certainly have to cooperate with censorship orders from the Chinese government.

Facebook argues that it is simply complying with local laws in the countries that it operates and touts reports it releases with aggregated government requests for data and censorship. Turkey’s government threatened to block access to the entire site if Facebook did not cooperate with its censorship orders.

Facebook is not a “public square.” It is a corporation, and it will do whatever it can to increase market share. However, if Facebook truly wanted to be the force for freedom of expression it claims to be, it could use its considerable influence and visibility to stand up against and refuse to be complicit in repressive government policies.

The Winter Olympic Committee’s Official List of Rejected Opening Ceremony Ideas

1.) A live reenactment of Crime and Punishment, with Edward Snowden in the role of Raskolnikov

2.) A Putin mascot doing the Harlem Shake

3.) Police Choir rapping “Back in the USSR”

4.) A retrospective on the inherent heterosexuality of all Russian men

5.) A gulag prison scene featuring Pussy Riot look-a-likes singing “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago

6.) A Stalin mustache contest

7.) A classy, traditional Olympic ring display that has no risk of technical failure

8.) A non-dramatic reading of War and Peace in its entirety

9.) A vodka and caviar chugging contest

10.) A theatrical version of Fox Animations Studio’s Anastasia 

11.) Russia’s Next Top Model, Live with Putin as head judge

12.) Judo demonstration, starring Putin

A new Russian-sponsored plan calls for the Assad regime to relinquish control of a massive and secretive chemical weapons stockpile painstakingly accumulated over decades, in order to avoid U.S. military strikes.

The diplomatic breakthrough with Russia and Syria came right in the nick of time – just as Congress was preparing to vote against initializing a potentially disastrous regional war in the Middle East by attacking Syria. A vote that, unfortunately, may also be read as a reluctant acceptance of Assad and others using chemical weapons as a casual means of domestic population control.

“We hope that this plan will allow the Syrian regime, as well as the United States, a little time to sit back and relax before deciding on a course of action that will inevitably change the dynamics of the Middle East for the worst,” said Russia’s Foreign Minister Sergay Lavrov in a statement.

In his national address Tuesday night, Obama postponed the Congressional vote, readily giving the Russian-sponsored plan enough time to fail on its own.

“If Putin, in all his unbiased moral superiority, wants to write an Op-Ed in the New York Times and take the lead on fixing Syria, that’s fine by me,” Obama told the nation. “What do I have to lose?”

When a subterranean Islamic sect of over 70 people was discovered in Russia last week, more than 20 children were taken into government custody on the grounds of child abuse and neglect. One 13-year-old boy kept a journal of his experiences above ground, and a Russian journalist has convinced him to let it be translated and published as a memoir, which will be titled: “Things Sure Look Uglier in the Light of Day.” The following is an excerpt of his first week:

Dear Journal,

The weirdest thing about being above ground is that you can see things more clearly. That’s not like a metaphor (we learned about metaphors in the orphanage school the other day), it’s actually true. I see that some people have freckles, and different hair colors, and wrinkles — which I also found out about, the hard way. Lesson learned: never tell your old, fat math teacher that she has wrinkles. She won’t take it well. Believe me, I even tried using the whole “C’mon, I’ve been living under a rock – literally!” gag, but she didn’t even crack a smile.

People keep telling me that I was “abused” and that I should “thank Allah to be alive,” but honestly, I miss it down there: the cool dampness, the soft earth in my toes, and most of all, the peace and quiet that comes only with living in total and complete darkness. That, and the vampire bats, of course.

I blame all this damn light, really. It’s not these people’s fault, they just have to put up with it for about 12 hours a day. Imagine? I hate the fact that I can’t sleep until 3 pm anymore without having to squint, and I hate that as early as seven I can feel it burning my face through the glass panels of what the nurse tells me is a “window.” It’s hot, too, and my nose even gets all peely when I’m outside for more than five minutes. (When that happens, the nurse tells me I should have been living in a hole in Ireland, not Russia. She gets a real laugh out of it.)

And I’ll tell you something else: I don’t get these crazy people. At least in the dark, you’re free to do as many embarrassing things as you want — no one can see you!  I would much rather get 20 lashings for not folding my prayer mat and bumping around in the darkness because I can’t actually see than to have to walk around, totally visible, looking really stupid while talking into a weird little box to nobody all day in public. Between those and the strange white things they stick in their ears, they’re  more blind and deaf than the earthworms I used to catch with my toes.

I also have noticed that there is a bit of an obesity problem up here.  I learned that word in school, too, and again, my teacher wasn’t very happy that I used her as an example. Excuse me for needing a point of reference! But there is no way around it: these people have to be eating as many as three meals a day. I know that sounds mean, but a lot of times,  you can’t even see their collarbones. Lazy jerks. It must be all that vodka. (I mean, I wouldn’t know anything about vodka, of course. It’s against my religion, Journal. Even if some of the kids here offered me a sip a few nights ago, it’s not like I actually drank it. Not even one little burning, nasty sip to see what the fuss was all about, okay? How dare you suggest it?! Gosh.)

One of the women here puts this red stuff over her lips that looks like blood. The first time we met her, we thought that she might be Satan, and tried stoning her when she came near us. For some reason, this did not go over well. Apparently, this is called makeup. Or to quote her: “Eet ees makeup, you eediots!” Ha! Weirdo.

There is one thing I like up here a lot, though. And no, it’s not the food. (Fish eggs? Beef tongue? Boiled cabbage? My mom made better meals in a fort underground. Think about it.) It’s that box with moving pictures. Television, I think they call it. It makes me a little dizzy, and I still get creeped out when the box makes laughing sounds, but I’m really starting to like this one series of pictures. It’s called, “Dancing with the Stars.”

I met with the doctor yesterday. Apparently, he thinks I have some devils inside me called “Anemia” and “Tuberculosis.” He seemed pleased with me, though. I’d gained five pounds and was recapping DWTS (that’s short for “Dancing with the Stars,” of course) when he smiled and said: “Eet looks like you’re adjusting to normal life well.”

Little does he know, but I’ve already started digging another hole in the backyard. Darkness, here I come. It’s an ugly world up here in the light.