THE GABBLER » resolutions https://thegabbler.com Just Goosing Around Mon, 01 Feb 2016 21:40:33 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0.1 New Year's Revolution https://thegabbler.com/whereupon-webster-defined/2014/01/01/new-years-revolution/ https://thegabbler.com/whereupon-webster-defined/2014/01/01/new-years-revolution/#comments Wed, 01 Jan 2014 18:26:05 +0000 http://thegabbler.com/?p=2701 New Year’s Revolution: A New Year’s resolution to completely overhaul all aspects of your sad, sad life. Usually abandoned by January 15th. This year I’m going to get in shape, find my dream job, meet my soul mate, and move into an apartment with actual closet space. I’m having a New Year’s Revolution.

]]> https://thegabbler.com/whereupon-webster-defined/2014/01/01/new-years-revolution/feed/ 0 A New Year, a New President https://thegabbler.com/the-broken-seal/2012/12/31/a-new-year-a-new-president/ https://thegabbler.com/the-broken-seal/2012/12/31/a-new-year-a-new-president/#comments Mon, 31 Dec 2012 13:16:39 +0000 http://thegabbler.com/?p=1361 The following list was found on the desk of the Oval Office and appears to be President Obama’s personal New Year’s Resolutions. Several relate to his family and personal life, but many are related to his duties as president and reflect his agenda in the coming months.

 

-QUIT SMOKING (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…).

-Finally beat Michelle in a push up contest.

-Ask Boehner out for that beer. (Play it cool, man, you’re just a guy asking a guy out for a drink.)

-Get the Secret Service to creep out that boy who Malia claims is “just a friend.”

-Wake THE HELL UP  and deal with DREAM Act.

-Figure out if I should keep using Drones (maybe ask John McCain?).

-Don’t cry when Hillary leaves me.

-But maybe actually finish putting together my cabinet.

-Get Biden back for that toilet saran wrap practical joke (note: call in Clooney if needed).

-Cultivate rock star image (idea: start band with Christie, call it The Executive Branch, or even better, The Bipartisans).

-Get America back to work! (Note: actually figure out HOW to get America back to work first.)

-Decrease devastating national tragedies by at least 25% in coming year, possibly through gun control?

-Learn what the hell a One Direction is and why Sasha is so into it.

-Maybe check in on that whole Affordable Care Act business and see how it’s progressing?

-Finally read How to Win Friends and Influence People and use new found knowledge to actually work with Congress.

-Capitalize on Bo’s Christmas decoration fame (maybe a Purina commercial or two?).

-Pick up the broken pieces of the economy after we fall over the fiscal cliff.

-Isn’t it about time for a second Nobel Peace Prize?

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