“Listen, we probably should have planned better,” a spokeswoman said at a poorly attended press conference today. “We knew the How I Met Your Mother series finale was the same day as the official deadline, so the competition for the media’s attention was already pretty stiff. But how could we have predicted the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines flight 370? Or that adorable new picture of Prince George? It had a dog and a baby. We stood no chance.”

Although an estimated 9.7 million previously uninsured Americans now have healthcare coverage because of the Affordable Care Act, very few people have noticed that Monday, March 31^st was the deadline to enroll. The news media has given little coverage to the deadline, instead focusing on MH370, the 2016 election, and the misreported death of soccer legend Pelé.

“We were honestly a little worried when that plane went missing,” said the spokeswoman, “but we figured what was more mysterious than trying to fill out an online application written by a government bureaucracy? That has to be a little bit more difficult to figure out than the location of a giant jet liner, right?”

The Obama administration has yet to set a definitive date for the next deadline, saying that “it’s hard to tell when the next ‘French Bulldog Can’t Roll Over’ video will come out and steal [their] thunder.”

“We’re hoping for a lull after the World Cup,” the spokeswoman said, “but who knows, Hillary might start a juice cleanse or something and ruin everything all over again.”

Obama is abusing executive power, but Republicans are hung up on the wrong issues.

This government shutdown may be over, but the Tea Party that caused it isn’t.

“This is a perfect compromise,” said Republican Senator Ted Cruz, handing out signed copies of Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham to a gaggle of celebrating Tea Party supporters. “It allows us to tell voters we repealed the job-killing socialist scourge that is Obamacare, without touching the free market foundation of the ACA, which in truth we all know will be good for the well-being of both the economy and our constituents.”

The compromise came following a recent CNBC poll, which found a discrepancy between Americans’ support for Obamacare versus the Affordable Care Act, with some opposing the bill when referred to by its nickname, but not by the original title of the bill.

“I just don’t agree with the whole Obamacare policy thing that’s going on, I just don’t agree with it,” said a pedestrian interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel, after declaring her support for the Affordable Care Act.

 In the past few months, Congress has been unable to come to a decision on key bills, such as the fiscal cliff and gun control reforms, among others. As a result, there has been much discussion as to whether or not the institution really is, in fact, impotent.

 But on Wednesday, the Speaker of the House, John Boehmer, addressed the matter head on.

 “This isn’t easy for us to admit,” said Boehmer. “But we do have a problem here in Congress, and we need to address it. And if all it takes is a little blue pill to help get the job done, we are ready for it. I can’t tell you how incredibly frustrated we’ve all been.”

 It is the hope of Congress, according to Boehmer, that Viagra will really help them “get ‘er done” with regards to settling on an immigration reform bill that is appealing to both Democrats and Republicans.

 Some medical experts, however, are concerned that Viagra alone may not suffice for Congress.

 “Viagra works as a prescription medication only if all of the necessary appendages are present, so to speak,” said Dr. David Wallace, urologist, in an exclusive interview withThe Gabbler. “I can’t be sure, but there is widespread concern over whether Congress actually has any balls to begin with.”

 Fortunately, Congress is covered by Obama’s Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, so its Viagra prescription and other medical expenses will be taken care of in full.