With Wonder Woman set to come out in 2017, and the new Super Girl series out in a few weeks, Hollywood producers and US voters alike are trying to find the woman who truly embodies what it means to be America’s Wonder Woman.

Clinton was originally thought to be perfectly cast for the role. After being First Lady and Senator of New York after that, Clinton rose to fame quickly with her run in 2008, her power suits and bad ass attitude as Secretary of State, and her advocacy for women’s rights worldwide.

But does she really fit the part? As the presidential election heats up, Americans are wondering just that, particularly after Benghazi, her secret emails, and all the other shady Clinton dealings that are starting to seem more villainous than superhero lady-like.

In fact, Bernie Sanders seems more like a heroine these days than Clinton (And is it just us, or would he kill it in a red bodysuit?), and even the casting of Donald Trump as Republican party saboteur isn’t doing nearly enough damage to make Clinton look good enough to be a shoo-in.

Meanwhile, Warren has publicly stated that she’s not running for president in 2016, again and again and again and again. She doesn’t want the power, which is why Americans are seeing her as “that much cooler,” according to a recent poll.

Director Chris Nolan also thinks she’s perfect for the role. “Warren’s the hero Gotham – I mean, America - deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt her. Because she can take it. Because she’s not our hero. She’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A WONDER WOMAN.”

Bernie Sanders

Distance: wayyy out​ there in VT.

Active: 73 years, baby

About Bernie: “I’m just looking for a happy, healthy relationship in which the means of production, distribution, and exchange are owned and/or regulated equally.

Also, ice cream > frozen yogurt.”

 Rand Paul

Hillary Clinton

Ted Cruz

Distance: The United States of Texas

Active: Since Freshman year

About Ted: “Harvard AND Princeton alum. Proud Wacko Bird. I know everyone’s wondering, so I’ll just settle all bets now: yes, I do wear my cowboy boots everywhere.” ;) 

Favorite Books: The Bible, The Fountainhead, Green Eggs and Ham and of course, mine!

 

​ ​Jeb Bush

Donald Trump

Were you once an enthusiastic Obama supporter, canvassing your neighborhood in support of the change we could believe in? Have you refrained from speaking with friends and family who were Republicans or, worse, Hillary Clinton supporters, since 2008 because they so sorely insulted your man Obama by not voting for him? Did you secretly touch yourself to the dulcet tones of both of Obama’s presidential election victory speeches?

Of course you did. Obama is the only shining beacon of progressive hope awash in the seas of partisan conflict. Or is he?

Lately, you may have noticed some chatter about red lines in Syria, the NSA spying on your every move and the every move of our allies abroad, the intimidation of journalists, and, of course, the Healthcare.gov issues and the millions who lost their insurance coverage thanks to the implementation of the Affordable Care Act.

You may even be saying to yourself, “Maybe Great Uncle Larry is right. Maybe Obama IS just a Muslim Communist who was sent by the terr’ists to kill us all with socialism.”

First of all, let’s be honest. Great Uncle Larry is never right. There’s a reason your family moved him from his rifle-filled shack in the woods into that nice nursing home where he met his bridge and life partner, Cammie. Let her take care of his angry, incoherent, political ramblings.

But what about more legitimate sources than Larry? What about the news sources that claim that Obama is dishonest, a liar? As if the man who promised that his 2008 presidential election would usher in an era of bipartisan compromise and unity could possible LIE to the American people!

Still, you’re having your doubts as the evidence mounts against Obama. But, don’t worry! We have some tips to restore your faith in our fearless, charismatic, dashingly handsome leader.

1.)    Blame Republicans. They’re not playing nice and that’s not Obama’s fault. He can’t be expected to lead if Republicans just refuse to follow!

2.)    Blame Congress. Remember that time they shut down our government, taking the whole country hostage to make a political point and didn’t even lose access to their gym? That wasn’t cool.

3.)    Think Hillary 2016. Okay, okay. We know that in 2008 Hillary Clinton was just a shrill woman who wouldn’t know a good pantsuit if it hit her in the face. But since then she was brought into the Obama fold as Secretary of State. And she’s gotten so much cooler! Remember that time she got down with that singer at a diplomatic event in South Africa? Classic post-Obama Hillary!

4.)    Stop reading the news. At this point, more information is bad information. If you need an Obama fix, go back and read some of his old speeches. But DO NOT turn on the news. You’ll only be disappointed.

Follow these four simple tips and soon you’ll be looking at Obama with the same starry-eyed gaze as you did back in 2008. Can we blindly support Obama through the rest of his presidency? Yes, we can!