With few facts to report on regarding the missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370, cable news outlets have been filling hour after hour of airtime with wild speculation.

“Too long our online media has been driven by ‘facts’ that don’t get to the true heart of a story. It’s time for us to bring the American people what they really deserve from their news outlets: outrage,” explained Joshua Hughes, Americans Seeking Newsworthy Truth founder and president at the course’s launch party.

Hughes continued  to describe how he was inspired to create the course when he was “bored to tears” while reading through his morning paper.

“I came away and just felt, educated, informed. There was so much rage on the TV, so much partisan ire, but I wasn’t getting to participate in that. I just got a wonky rundown of some budget numbers. I felt cheated.”

So he created Americans Seeking Newsworthy Truth and began a campaign to bring more emotion to American journalism. The free course is just one of many campaigns that he has planned for 2014.

“The real truth of American politics is anger. We as Americans have a right to know all of the enraging things our politicians say, context be damned!”

According to Hughes, the course will focus primarily on creating anger, but will cover other emotions as well, like guilt, sadness, disgust, and what he called “an awww, look, a puppy! reaction.”

“All of these emotions have been proven to show a spike in online traffic. And, really, is there anything more democratic than page hits? They are the voice of the American people! Give the people what they want, journalists!”

The course is aimed at journalism students and will be taught by journalists from BuzzFeed, Gawker, Fox News, and CNN.  The first lesson will cover creating compelling headlines, like the one for this article, suggested by Hughes himself.

The elephant was first spotted on the courtroom steps at about 9:30 A.M. on Thursday, June 28th.  It reportedly munched on flowers in nearby potted plants for several minutes, before moving inside.

When asked by The Gabbler to comment on said elephant in the room, President Barack Obama seemed a little flustered for a moment, but recovered quickly.

“If you’re referring to the fact that the bill has an individual mandate with fines for refusing to participate, I just want to say that I absolutely reject the notion that it’s a tax increase,” said Obama.

Gabbler staff explained that they had actually wanted Obama to comment on the massive elephant standing in the center of the courtroom, which, according to several witnesses, was now eating an American flag off of one of the flagpoles.

The president looked angry, but took a deep breath while two more gray hairs sprouted from his head. Then he mumbled something about “mixing metaphors” and walked away.

In search of another witness, The Gabbler came upon former Governor of Massachusetts and current Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, and asked if he’d noticed the elephant in the room.

“If one more person tells me that Obamacare is based on my MassHealth program, I’m going to scream,” said Romney. “It’s nothing like it! Nothing!”

Further questions about the elephant only seemed to infuriate Romney more, until he finally declined any further questions.

“Gosh, it’s really one of those days that I wish my faith allowed me to indulge in a cherry cola,” he said bitterly.

Determined to capture live footage of the elephant while it was still in the room, Gabbler staff then approached CNN correspondent Kate Bolduan, and asked her if she’d happened to see the elephant in the room.

In response to the question, Bolduan turned bright red and burst into tears.

“For your information, I received that news from my producers,” she cried out between hiccups. “Anyone could have made that mistake!”

Baffled by the emotion responses triggered by any mention of the elephant, The Gabbler saw Fox News correspondent Shannon Bream and asked if she had any personal knowledge of the elephant’s whereabouts.

“Oh, fuck off,” said Bream.