THE GABBLER » Fiscal cliff

Oh, I'm Just a Fiscal Bill

Lisa — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 14:50:26 +0000

In the hopes that a catchy tune may help the House of Representatives pass the new fiscal deal more quickly, Schoolhouse Rock!, best known for its animated musical educational films, has released a spinoff of the hit 1975 song “I’m Just a Bill.” They’ve released the lyrics to The Gabbler first, but the song will reportedly be performed by rapper Jay-Z on Wednesday morning on the steps of the Capitol as an appeal to House Representatives as they cast their votes.

(Yeah. Uhuh. Yeah.)I’m just a bill.
Yeah, I’m only a fiscal bill.
But I’ll extend the tax rates for the richies,
And estate tax’ll increase to fifty.
I’ve benefits for the unemployed,
A “Doc Fix” and a break on green energy.
Will I pass? I hope I will,
But today I’m still just a bill.I’m just a bill
Yes, I’m only a fiscal bill,
And I’m as far as Senate on The Hill.
Now I’m stuck in HOR
But the GOP says “War!”
Boehmer’s shit his pants and Cantor
Says he’ll go down on Pelosi before I’m law!
If I pass with the Reps than I will,
But today I’m still just a lonely bill.Yeah, I’m just a bill.
Yes, I’m only a fiscal bill.
And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.
But me? I’m kinda cool,
Because I might possess the tool,
To stop the US from tumblin’ off a cliff
Of fiscal nature!
At least, Obama hopes I will,
But still on New Years Day I’m only just a bill.

Fiscal Metaphors

Dan Nott — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 04:20:34 +0000

Cliff-Diving Enthusiast, Lame-Name, Sparbuck

Lisa — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 15:31:49 +0000

Cliff diving enthusiast: (klɪf daɪvɪŋ ɛnˈθu zi æst) A politician who believes that ultimatums are preferable to bipartisan compromise. He’d rather be impeached than even appear at a press conference with a Democrat, he’s that much of a cliff diving enthusiast. Origin: Politicians who want to go over the fiscal cliff, rather than compromise on spending cuts and tax increases.

Lame-Name: (leɪm neɪm) A last name of a husband-to-be that is less than desirable.“So, are you taking his name when you guys tie the knot, or is that whole ownership thing a little archaic for you?” “Honestly? I don’t care so much about the patriarchy thing. I just don’t want to have a gross lame-name: Rebecca Kuntz?” Origin: Kate Winslet’s recent decision to marry a man whose last name is Rocknroll. (Seriously, Kate? You’re better than that.)

Sparbuck: (spɑr bʌk) A coffee barista who pushes his or her sociopolitical beliefs on you before you’ve even drank your morning coffee. “Why do you have foam all over your tie?” “The fucking Sparbuck got pissed at me when I told her I forgot my reusable travel mug.” Origin: The failed grassroots Starbucks campaign to get Congress to come to a deal on the fiscal cliff. Also, annoying coffee baristas.