THE GABBLER » WHEREUPON WEBSTER DEFINED

Slate of the Union

Lisa — Fri, 23 Jan 2015 14:06:42 +0000

SLATE OF THE UNION (sleɪt ov ðə ˈyun yən): A yearly speech given by the president of the United States in which he pretends that with the new year comes a completely clean slate and once again, anything is possible. “My fellow Americans, it’s time again for a fresh Slate of the Union. In 2015, there will be paid sick leave, equal pay among men and women, free community college, free trade agreements, the end of global warming, and… puppies for everyone!”

Flubola

Jessica Pierce — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 17:40:28 +0000

FLUBOLA: (flu boʊ lə)a deadly virus, commonly known as “the flu,” responsible for the deaths of 50,000 Americans annually. “Nancy just got diagnosed with flubola.” “WHAT?! Nancy has Ebola?!?!” “No, FLU-bola.” “Eh, give her some Gatorade, she’ll be fine.”

Beachriotism

Jessica Pierce — Fri, 23 May 2014 18:13:02 +0000

Beachriotism: The practice of honoring American’s fallen veterans by day drinking and tanning at the beach. “Dude, be more respectful, grab an ice cold Coors, and get your ass on the sand. Show some beachriatism. People died so you would have a right to a good base coat.”

Soaptag

Lisa — Thu, 15 May 2014 01:56:18 +0000

SOAPTAG: (soʊp tæg) A trending hashtag related to a political or social cause that a person uses to briefly indicate that they care deeply about said cause, before quickly getting back to their daily Buzzfeed quiz. “That’s so awful about those kidnapped African girls.” “Yeah, I totally tweeted the soaptag #BringBackOurGirls yesterday.” “Good for you! I need to get more involved in politics.”

Cadvoracity

Lisa — Fri, 18 Apr 2014 18:59:58 +0000

CADVORACITY: /kædvɔˈræsɪti/ The state of being physically, mentally, and emotionally unable to stop eating Cadbury Creme Eggs during the days leading up to and during Easter. “I stole Cadbury Cremes from my 5-year-old niece’s Easter basket – has my Cadvoracity hit a new low?”

PDST

Jessica Pierce — Mon, 10 Mar 2014 21:33:21 +0000

PDST: Post Daylight’s Savings Time confusion, characterized by completely losing your sense of time. I’m suffering from a severe case of PDST. This morning I was convinced that I had left for work an hour early for at least 15 minutes.

Snowber

Dan Nott — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 21:10:51 +0000

SNOWBER: (snoʊ bər) The physical and psychological phenomenon that sets in when an extremely intoxicated individual suddenly discovers they’ve fallen into the cold embrace of a snowbank and with that realization, stands up sober, though mildly depressed. “As a drunk and disoriented Max finished quoting the ‘Golden God’ scene from ‘Almost Famous,’ he slipped off the icy sidewalk into New England’s wintry mix, and arose from the mess snowber, suddenly willing to re-evaluate some major life choices.”

New Year's Revolution

Jessica Pierce — Wed, 01 Jan 2014 18:26:05 +0000

New Year’s Revolution: A New Year’s resolution to completely overhaul all aspects of your sad, sad life. Usually abandoned by January 15^th. This year I’m going to get in shape, find my dream job, meet my soul mate, and move into an apartment with actual closet space. I’m having a New Year’s Revolution.

Amazon Attachment Disorder

Jessica Pierce — Mon, 02 Dec 2013 18:55:05 +0000

Amazon Attachment Disorder: the inability to log off of Amazon out of fear of missing a good 10 minute lightning deal. It’s a pretty serious case of Amazon Attachment Disorder. She just canceled our anniversary so she could stay at home and maybe save 61% on a Fisher Price stuffed dog and she doesn’t even know anyone under the age of 25.