THE GABBLER

April 9th, 2014
Which Psychotic Game of Thrones Character Are You?

Season 4 of the hit HBO television series, Game of Thrones, aired on Sunday night and broke records – over 6.6 million people tuned in to watch. Clearly, all this violence and torture really resonates with people! (What does that say about humanity? Yikes!) Answer the questions below to find out which psychotic/sadist/murderer you are from Game of Thrones, you sicko.

1. You love to surprise your special someone with…

a.)   A severed head!

b.)  A severed hand!

c.)   A severed penis!

d.)  The fresh blood of a king!

 

2. Your all-time fav hobbies are…

a.)   Beheading people, killing prostitutes, and terrorizing your fiancé.

b.)  Sword flights; pushing little boys out of windows.

c.)   Torturing your captive.

d.)  Worshipping the devil; wearing red.

 

3. Your dream girl/guy is…

a.)  Someone whose father you just killed. Or the new gal who wears slutty dresses and asks if you’re into watching while she kills stuff.

b.)  Your twin. (Didn’t see that one coming, did we?!)

c.)   You’re pretty much asexual, but you do enjoy the phallic shape of pork sausages from time to time.

d.)  For now, any heir to the Iron Throne will do, but you ultimately prefer to be impregnated by the Lord of Light.

 

4.  If you were shipped off to a desert island, the one thing you would drag with you is…

a.) Yeah, right. You’d have everyone in your entire kingdom slaughtered before you’d leave the throne for some stupid island.

b.) You’re not great at wielding a sword these days, so you might as well bring your twin sis.

c.) Your torture victim. You need someone to play with!

d.) Duh! A human sacrifice, so that the Lord of Light will rescue you.

 

5.  Your ultimate fate is to…

a.)  Die a terrible, terrible death (but the fans are happy).

b.)  Die a terrible, terrible death (but the fans are sad).

c.)  Die a terrible, terrible death (but the fans aren’t really sure who you are).

d.)  Die a terrible, terrible death (but you’ll probably be naked, so, the fans are happy).

 

ANSWERS:

 

Mostly A’s: You’re King Joffrey! You’re about as fucked up as it gets. You’re sadistic, violent, psychotic, and just downright mean. Let’s put it this way: even your own mother is afraid of you. See a shrink, dude. And step on it.

Mostly B’s: You’re Jamie Lanister! Good news! You may be an incestuous killer who tried to murder a child, but you’ve shown that you are still capable of love and acts of kindness from time-to-time. There’s hope for you yet, Kingslayer.

Mostly C’s: You’re Ramsey Snow! You’re seriously creepy, and a little too good at torturing people, even if they do sort of deserve it. You don’t seem to have any friends, and your family stays pretty far away from you, too. Hint: It’s because you’re a sadistic weirdo.

Mostly D’s: You’re Melisandre of Asshai, otherwise known as the Red Woman, otherwise known as the chick who spat out a scary smoke monster from her you-know-what! You’re into seduction, human sacrifices, Red Riding Hood-esque robes, and conversing with evil spirits.

 

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