February 20th, 2013
Shit Girls Say About "Girls"

Everyone’s watching Lena Dunham’s new HBO show, “Girls.” In fact, the 26-year-old triple threat (writer, director, actress) took home two Golden Globes a few weeks ago for Best Comedy Series and Best Actress in a Comedy Series. We at The Gabbler are big fans of Dunham and “Girls,” too. We were curious to see if all of the media attention over whether or not girls are this crude, rude, and funny in real life had any truth to it, so we snuck into malls, nail salons, and of course, loungy bars featuring colorful martinis and “small plates” – to listen to the shit that real girls have to say about “Girls.”


“Hannah has such weird looking boobs.”

“My parents would totally be supportive if I brought a black guy home! But a Republican? Fuck, no.”

“Honestly? I’m probably more of a Marnie.”

“Is it just me, or are Adam’s weird stalking habits like, kind of romantic?”

“I like that Lena Dunham is naked all the time. It gives me a chance to compare my body to hers.”

“I don’t know why she’s freaking out. HPV isn’t even that big a deal. Right? RIGHT?”

“I wonder where Jessa got that bowler hat. It’s probably vintage.”

“Don’t you think it’s weird that Charlie is handsome, sweet, kind, and respectful, and none of us want to sleep with him?”

“Power to you, Shoshanna. I totally wouldn’t have touched it if we hadn’t kissed, either.”

“I would never accept money from my parents – except they do pay my cell phone bill. But it’s like, the family plan!”

“See, I thought a private Facebook message was a higher form of communication than Gchat. It’s like, a private message. But my question is: where does a Linkedin recommendation stand on Marnie’s totem pole of communication? He obviously must value my career aspirations, too. So that’s a good sign, right?”

“I think my cutoff for older men would probably be 35. We’re just at such different points in our lives. Although, he is really hott. And a doctor. And his backyard is perfect for barbeques.”


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