THE GABBLER

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Wednesday, September 2nd, 2015

Elizabeth Warren Cast as the “Real” Wonder Woman

After what many Americans thought to be a surefire casting of Hilary Clinton as America’s next Wonder Woman, Elizabeth Warren is now quickly replacing Clinton as a fan favorite, especially after her crazy-sexy speech to save Planned Parenthood a few weeks ago, and of course, the fact that she simply doesn’t want the job. With Wonder Woman set to come out

Thursday, July 23rd, 2015

Swipe Right: Leaked Tinder Profiles of the 2016 Presidential Candidates

Many have noted the Obama campaign’s use of social media to reach younger voters in both 2008 and 2012. And it looks like the next crop of presidential hopefuls are following in his footsteps by taking advantage...

Tuesday, March 31st, 2015

New Law To Give Business Owners Option to Refuse Service to Politicians

The voters of Indiana have proposed a new law to Governor Mike Pence that seeks to give business owners the option to refuse service to politicians, on the grounds of free speech, freedom to deny service, and...

Saturday, March 21st, 2015

Where’s Putin Been: The Gabbler’s Top 10 Theories Of Varying Validity

He was wrestling lions in Kenya. Note from the Kremlin press office: No lions were injured during the course of the fights. It was all in good fun, and they shared a few beers a topless bar...

Friday, January 23rd, 2015

Slate of the Union

SLATE OF THE UNION (sleɪt ov ðə ˈyun yən): A yearly speech given by the president of the United States in which he pretends that with the new year comes a completely clean slate and once again, anything is possible. “My fellow Americans,...

Wednesday, December 31st, 2014

The Gabbler’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2015

What have we learned? What can we look forward to? What mistakes are we going to make, yet again? Racism is alive and real, so let’s work on that in 2015, America. Visit Cuba! Havana Nights, baby…...

Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

Flubola

FLUBOLA: (flu boʊ lə)a deadly virus, commonly known as “the flu,” responsible for the deaths of 50,000 Americans annually. “Nancy just got diagnosed with flubola.” “WHAT?! Nancy has Ebola?!?!” “No, FLU-bola.” “Eh, give her some Gatorade, she’ll...

Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

iPhone Users: Enlightened Futurists or Antisocial Assholes?

Does having an iPhone make us better people, or does it just make us even lazier and less aware of our surroundings? POINT: “I Hate My iPhone, But I’ll Die Without It” I first realized that my...

Thursday, June 5th, 2014

J. Edgar Hoover Awakens From Dead: “I Can’t Take It Anymore, NSA!”

Former FBI director and famed snooper J. Edgar Hoover arose from his grave at the Congressional Cemetery in Washington, D.C. late yesterday morning, according to multiple eyewitnesses.  Scientists have confirmed that this is the first instance of...

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