THE GABBLER

May 21st, 2015
UN Attempts To Put US in “Timeout”

Last week, the United Nations had “no choice” but to give the United States a strict talking to at the UN’s Human Rights Council, citing police brutality and continued racial discrimination, as well as the death penalty and the fact that the Guantánamo Bay Detention Facility is still up and running.

Due to the large number of human rights violations, the UN has officially sentenced the US to a timeout.

According to sources, the timeout will last approximately 10 minutes and will take place in a small chair facing a wall.

“This doesn’t mean we don’t love you (and we hope this isn’t awkward at the next Security Council meeting), but we really do need to start setting some limits with you,” read the UN report. “If we don’t, it just makes us look like a really hypocritical parent organization.”

The timeout was given alongside a cherry lollipop, which the US promptly threw on the ground, and after throwing a tantrum, had it exchanged for strawberry.

 

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