THE GABBLER

November 21st, 2014
Don Lemon To Lead Women’s Self-Defense Class, With Emphasis on Penis-Biting

In an interview with Joan Tarshis, a woman who has come forward to accuse Bill Cosby of rape 45 years ago, CNN reporter Den Lemon made a revolutionary statement: “You know, there are ways not to perform oral sex if you didn’t want to do it.”

He went on to say that biting, or “using of the teeth” was one way to avoid oral sex.

“You’ve just got to bite it clean off!” says Lemon.

His statement has sparked a major “a-ha!” moment across America as an innovative new way to curb sexual violence against women, and Lemon has plans to lead a new women’ self-defense class in New York City to provide women with other helpful tips to avoid rape and sexual assault. The class, which will either be called “Bite Back!” or Rape Bites,” plans to devote much of the hour to penis-biting techniques and jaw strength-building exercises.

“Here’s the thing,” says Lemon. “Men pretty much always prefer a blow-job. So, if some guy tries to rape you, just politely suggest oral sex instead. Once he pulls his pants down, bite as hard as you can! Voila – problem solved, world!”

The first session of “Bite Back!”/“Rape Bites” already has a waitlist, and some women are even joining the class for other reasons.

“I’m not scared of rape – I carry pepper spray,” said Diane Long, of Queens. “I’m just sick and tired of giving my boyfriend oral sex. I’m hoping this class can show me how to scare him off  a bit.”

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