THE GABBLER

December 12th, 2013
New “Smart” Jockstrap to Curb Sexism

A new product is in beta stage that aims to curb sexist remarks and actions against women – before they even start.

Called the “Smart-Jock,” the device is an athletic supporter, or jockstrap, that men can wear under their undergarments and clothing.

“It’s comfortable, it’s discreet, and it betters society as a whole,” reads Smart-Jock’s tagline.

Of course, this is no ordinary jockstrap. In addition to cupping and protecting a man’s external sexual organs, this device is also wired to monitor heart rate and skin activity to provide an indication of sexist levels. When a level of sexism has been reached, the sensors connected to the testicles release a small jolt of electricity.

Curiously enough, this device was invented by the wives of the scientists who invented a “smart” bra, which is a bra designed to use sensors to stop women from emotional overeating.

“Look, if you’re going to try to make us wear a bra that tells us not to eat chocolate, this is what’s going to happen,” said Smart-Jock’s CEO, Debra Smalls, who encourages every woman whose husband or boyfriend buys her a smart-bra to purchase the Smart-Jock in return as a reality check. “We have enough problems with body image without our own bras turning against us, so if this is how it’s gonna be, this is how it’s gonna be. Buzz, buzz, motherfuckers.”

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