Donald Lakeman, the first child reared using the then-revolutionary technique of attachment parenting, will receive his bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Phoenix in July at the age 47. Attachment parenting, which recently made headlines due to an article by Time magazine, is a parenting philosophy in which parents foster a secure attachment to their children through techniques such as breastfeeding, positive discipline, co-sleeping, and joint baths.
Donald, who joined The Gabbler for a brief interview alongside his mother Julia, said that graduating from college has been a long and difficult road. Until the age of 18, Donald was unschooled, a process in which children, rather than attending school, learn from their daily interactions and play time. “It was really important to me that Donny not become too scared or upset or stressed out from attending a traditional school,” Julia said, “and then I learned about unschooling and thought ‘this is great!’ We could play together all day, reinforcing our attachment to each other and learning about new things.”
At the age of 18 Donald began working with his mother to get his GED. “The hardest part was really just learning how to read. In all of my unschooled years I never really got into the whole playing with books thing, so Mommy and I never really bothered,” he said. However, after several years of working with Julia, Donald was able to get his GED right before his 23rd birthday. Worried that he would be “too frightened” taking the test in a room without her, Julia signed up to take it along with him and passed as well, earning her own GED, although she had already graduated from a public high school at the age of 18. “You know, I think the trauma of being away from my parents all day in the public schooling system really pushed me to raise Donny like I did. At the time, I thought it was great and fun, but I didn’t realize the full impact it had on me until I started getting involved in attachment parenting; you know, one of the most important parts of attachment parenting is getting help for your own childhood trauma,” Julia told The Gabbler.
After earning his GED Donald began looking into different universities, finally settling on taking online classes through the University of Phoenix. “It was really hard to find somewhere to go. I wanted the typical campus experience, but nowhere would let my mommy sleep in my dorm room or even let her attend classes with me, so I was too afraid to go anywhere,” Donald said.
Eventually, though Donald began taking courses in elementary education with the hopes of one day bringing unschooling to the public school system. However, after several years of classes he changed his major to psychology when he found out that his mother wouldn’t be allowed to accompany him during his student-teaching and field experiences. “It was too stressful, trying to stand in front of the class alone, without her to hold my hand,” Donald explained. The stress continued after Donald switched to a psychology major. “It was really hard,” Donny said, “Like sometimes, when I would fail a test because Mommy and I were playing and couldn’t study, the professor wouldn’t even change my grade. Not even if I was crying and obviously scared.”
The ordeal was not only emotionally stressful for Donald, but financially difficult for the whole Lakeman family. Julia doesn’t work so that she “can fully focus all energy on Donny.” Her husband, Donald’s father, owns a small organic grocery in their Connecticut suburb, which provides them with a modest income. “We had to mortgage our house and the store a few times, but Donny’s worth it,” Julia said, smiling.
After 13 years of hard work and several mortgages, Donald Lakeman will finally be graduating in a ceremony held at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Phoenix this July. Julia, beaming, said that she’s “very proud that Donny’s able to be a wonderful example of the truly special kid created by attachment parenting” and sincerely hopes that Donald’s continued success in life will encourage more parents to using the attachment parenting method in raising their children.
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