THE GABBLER

Documents acquired, hacked, and forged.

THE BROKEN SEAL

Monday, June 25th, 2012

A Shot at Stardom with Tila Tequila

The following is a WikiHow page on “How to Be a Reality Star” which was recently removed by site administrators due to its inappropriate content. The article was initially written by Tila Tequila, of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila fame. No known edits have been made to her original version.   Steps 1.)   

Thursday, June 21st, 2012

Presenting Philip Seymour Hoffman's Death of a Stage Actor

The following email was sent from Philip Seymour Hoffman’s private gmail account to Andrew Garfield. The two recently starred in the Broadway revival of Death of a Salesman. While both received Tony nominations for their roles as...

Thursday, June 7th, 2012

Even the Veep is Creeped Out: Biden Calls 911 Over Zombie Sighting

Early this week, The Gabbler intercepted a 9-1-1 call from Vice President Joe Biden, which has been transcribed below. In the 7:00 AM call, Biden appears panicked and scared about an altercation with a zombie – until...

Thursday, May 31st, 2012

Married White Male Seeks Single White Female for Plural Marriage, Financial Support

The following is the uncovered Ok Cupid profile of Nephi Jessup, a Fundamentalist Mormon currently on trial for Felony Polygamy. Jessup was arrested this past February by police at his Hildale, Utah residence where he lives with...

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

Kanye's Hidden Texts to Kim: How Can Obama Be So Heartless?

Famed socialite and reality TV star Kim Kardashian’s iPhone was hacked this week, revealing not only hundreds of photos, but also hidden texts between Kardashian and new beau Kanye West that discussed the upcoming White House Correspondents’...

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Sick of Being Treated Like Pink Slime, McDonald's Files Sexual Harassment Charges

After a long and draining few months filled with “intense therapy sessions and WAY too many McFlurries,” McDonald’s has finally come forward and filed sexual harassment charges against Burger King. The corporation has attributed much of its...

Sunday, April 1st, 2012

Handel Resignation Letter Unearths Plans for Pink Cigs, Possible Breast Fetish

This letter is a first draft of Karen Handel’s resignation letter to Susan G. Komen for the Cure’s chief executive officer, Nancy Brinker. It was recovered from one of the recycling bins behind the organization’s headquarters in...

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